Lately I feel like I’m always afraid or anxious of something. Saying to myself I’m afraid such and such will happen or so and so will be pushed away by me. My situation with my blood related family hasn’t gotten better, lately i only feel like I have to love them because they are my blood related family. I want to seek help, go to a professional and get diagnosed and then get the help I feel I need. But i’m afraid. I’m afraid that my parents will turn around and be like “oh so that’s why you are unhappy and changed yourself. Lets go get you help so you can be our little girl again”. I’m afraid people will only see what problems I have and not see the real me behind the problems. My anxiety attacks have been coming more often. Smaller waves sometimes but when a big one hits I cant help but feel weak and powerless. And when I feel afraid i also feel strongly that i need to get help. But the fear feels like its equal. It makes me feel like i’m trapped and i’m powerless to do anything.
I’m sorry if anyone reading this cant make sense of me. I tend to ramble when i’m spilling my mind out in text or on paper. (and i tend to apologize a lot too)
Thank you for reading my post. I hope you all have a good day.
I promise you that I have been there. I recommend looking into a couple things before trying to get on meds, because not everyone actually needs a prescription medication for anxiety. I take rhodiola rosea for my anxiety. I started taking it twice a day, once in the morning and the second about 6 hours later. I did that for about a month straight and slowly weaned myself off it. It’s been a couple years now and I rarely need to take it because it helped me handle my anxiety so much better. Another option is st. John’s wort, but it reacts with a Lot of medications so double and triple check before taking that. If you still see no improvement, then it may be a good idea to try a small dose of an anti anxiety medication. Your brain is in overdrive and it either needs to calm down or it needs something to put the energy toward. You have to be willing to take that first step though
Just because they are your blood family does not mean you must love them. Sometimes family is a burden. Sometimes they don’t like when you do something for yourself, like some rock musicians whose families threw them out because they wanted to chase their dreams. Family is not everything. They don’t need to understand you. We believe in you. Not all who wander are lost.
I was hurt in my past in so many ways, so many different levels by a lot of people that I know including my family. Some of it stems from ignorance, stubbornness or frustration.
I always think how I want to be closer to my family, but certain things (like religion) keep getting in the way. So I don’t try. I use to try. I tell them and let them know that I am here. None of them cares.
So how I am dealing with it is that I’m searching for a new family. I want friends that will open up to me and want to be around me. When I find these people. I will try my best to support them. (That way when my original family rolls around “hey, we need you now.” I can look them in their eye and say “Sorry, I’m busy.”
What sucks about family is they always expect or assume of you. What kind of delusion is that? You expect me to take care of my sister when you die because I’m the older brother. The sister that hasn’t talked to me for the last year or so except to say the occasional “I love you.” Oh you hope for me to lose weight so that you can introduce me to your friends and not be embarrassed? - No I’m not doing any of these things. When my sister needs me I’ll treat her just like how she treated me as an acquaintance. When I get skinny I’m not going to be a little eye candy to show off to your friends so you can hook me up with their granddaughters. Instead, I’ll show up with both a girlfriend and boyfriend just to embarrass your sorry butt. (Oh no my stepson is gay-wrong mom bisexual)
At least that is what my family does. Not me. I was there when my brother was a drunk. Never judged him for it. I’ve tried to help my sister out with her health issues. Do I get any support? Oh sure with conditions. We’ll help you out because you go to church even though you’re a pagan. We’ll be there for you because you’re family and even though we really don’t like you but we value our family name. So because you’re related or share the same surname-we must help you or disgrace the family name. Let me save you from yourselves. I’ll legally change my name.)