Life is just too much. It doesn’t matter how much I go to therapy or the hospital. I still feel overwhelmed. I was on suicide watch last Thursday. I have yet to return to my job but I just can’t do it. Nor handle it anymore. Life’s got a hold of me, somehow I don’t feel anything at all. Nor the willpower / discipline to stop looking at porn. I wish I had the Solution because right now I feel so stuck . Most of all alone and financially stuck. I battle essential tremors which is a neurological/ cardiovascular disability and have lost many of my jobs. I still live at home . Any happiness has Never lasted, I often figure out what girls intentions are asap and last week I had a girl over and she was sexually harassing me. Also how does someone heal from having their nudes sent around school because that happened to me when I was a sophomore and it still hurts incredibly. I have extreme social anxiety and it’s been really hard to keep all my friends. It’s been extremely hard to keep up on the bills on my own. Depression has made it really hard to take care of Myself. I constantly find myself letting myself down because of my talents I can never commit to. I’m so exhausted and nothing makes me feel better anymore. Christmas was so terrible. My family just kept fighting and I didn’t get anything I wanted either. I feel so trapped. So much abandonment that no one cares about me. The reason people leave is because I never heal and so they think I’m selfish. I’ve only told 5 of my friends I was on suicide watch. Not even my dad because he’s pretty unexistant. I always eat fast food alone by myself and any date I’ve been on the girl has taken advantage of me. I got dumped December 15th which the next day would of been our one month anniversary. I still have things showing up to my house that I bought her for Christmas and it hurts me. I can’t go on. I’ve had way too much . My depressing ssion never ends. Truly feel so hopeless. I don’t want people to know I was in The ER at my job. After I got out grandpa said “I just had my heart pacer put in your making it hard on me” I just know it’s not my fault for this battle with depression. Christmas gives me anxiety. I just can’t do it anymore. And all the things people take for granted I never enjoy. Even meditation and exercise because I shake too much
Hey there friend, i just wanna start by saying that you are seen, known, and loved. By us and by God. I’m praying for you friend. Stay strong. You’ve made it so far, even if you can’t see it, you have! Celebrate the small victories in life. Theres something about that, that brings one up. You can do this friend, reach out and don’t give up on help, the world, or yourself. You are destined for greatness. I believe in you.
Most importantly, i’m praying for you <3
Thank you ness that means so much because my circle is incredibly small
i have essential tremors too, it runs in my family. I find it difficult to do daily tasks as well. but what i find that helps it is drawing even though im not good at it. DM me on discord my discord is river_song_uwu #7046
Change, Improvement, Growth. They come one degree at a time. The steps arent always easy, but the important part is to take that step. Not every victory is going to be a fan fare, with a parade, the key is to celebrate, even with just yourself, the little ones, like “Today I went and got a haircut, just for me for the first time in months” and “Today I told a friend whats going on” and even “Today I picked up my room”
I definitely empathize with that feeling of not being able to do things. I was injured in the military, prior to that, I loved hiking and free climbing. After the injury I spiraled pretty hard, and was tunnel visioned on what I couldnt do anymore. I found that the hardest, but most important part, was to figure out what I COULD do. I mean, I could still paint, and sculpt, and game, and read, and a plethora of other things, so I turned hard into those. What I wound up doing was making myself a list in my head of what was beyond my control, my physical limitations, and a list of what I COULD do. I then burned the list of what I couldnt do, as there was no point in focusing on it, and kept the list of what I could.
Lastly, when it comes to finding someone. Thats a normal human desire. We’re social animals. The biggest truth I’ve ever found, is when you’re working on yourself, stuff happens. At 34 years old, the best relationships I’ve ever had, appeared when I was focused inwards on self improvement. I met my wife, improving myself. Met my closest friends, improving myself. During the times I pushed everything aside and focused hard on sorting my own house, that is where I found my strongest relationships.
One of the biggest mantras I’ve found that helps is “I cannot control the way others act, only how I react” this can be applied when people are untowards, when people blame you for things you have no control over, and so many other things.
With all of that being said, I want you to know, Im proud of you for reaching out. Truly. Its the first of those steps that I mentioned above. Its that one little change, that leads to another change, and another. Keep it up, I believe in you.
P.S. Hope is always a great driving force, and even in the darkness, hope is what brings us all here to HS. Hope of a brighter tomorrow. Hope that we can be more than we are. Keep that hope alive.
with your family fighting especial when its on a holiday , im sorry . by the way people do care about you, we care about you there are people who care about you. by the way you are not selfish . you are you , you are human you are allowed to have feelings. Its hard when you do not know what to do cause people leave you. we will never leave you we will be here for when ever you need to talk
Firstly, congratulations for sharing about how things feel for you right now here- the fact you have reached out is an incredibly good sign and I can tell by your post that you’re an intelligent, sensitive guy who cares about others and improving themselves. Depression sucks, and it must feel overwhelming with so many things going on at once, and I understand you feel disappointed with family and friends either being busy with themselves and not able to support you. You keep going! Know that you are loved, and I believe that whilst you’re going through this right now, it will not always be like this. Hang out in Heart Support, chat and laugh and help out others, and you will find yourself in a better place. Don’t condemn yourself- it’s OK to feel like you do with everything going on. Just focus on something you want to work towards improving and let us know how it’s going. Reach out if you need to chat- you aren’t ever alone.
Also, you said you told 5 friends? Best thing I ever did when I was at my low was find my closest friends, the ride or die friends. I call them over, sat with them, and said “Im pretty messed up. I need help, and Im going to get it, but I need you to have my back.” and we sat a spoke for hours until the sun came up. Turned our house of sticks friendship into something cut from rock. I learned so much about them, they learned about me, and now none of us is afraid to be real with each other when life is dark, because after that night, we all know concretely we have each others backs.
Giving that trust is terrifying, but powerful. Its not about making someone take your problems away, or forcing them to fix you, its about sharing that load when you just need someone to be there to talk to, and doing the same for them.
I’ve only met One single person who has had it
Thank you danjo. Today has been a bit of a struggle as well but everything hit spot on. How else can I get involved?
Thank you Ashley. I watch a lot of heart support videos the first man to reach out to me on here a year ago I still have not forgotten about him. Nathaniel.
Part of it is really hard sometimes because I have ASD and bipolar I just know it doesn’t define me.
Trust me there are a ton of people out there that have it