I don’t really know how to cope with this, or what to say. I feel disgusting. I feel lost. I want to die…
I am 16 now (almost 17) and it was a day after my 16th birthday that it happened… It was my boyfriend. Words cannot describe the hatred and embarrassment I feel. I just want to kill myself… I never thought he would do that to me. He started doing meth and just lost his mind… We were together for 2 1/2 years when it happened and I even attempted to stay with him for 6 more months… Pathetic I know… I am so scared and embarrassed. I feel like people don’t believe me… He claims he doesn’t remember it at all… Lucky him… I am sorry if this is triggering and kind of everywhere. I don’t know what to fucking do but it’s all getting bottled up because I don’t talk about it
I’m sorry this happened to you. Your boyfriend should be ashame of what he had done. Don’t be with him. Don’t let the victim mentality get the best of you. It’s not your fault. You never ask for it. I encourage you to tell someone you know, and see if they can help. You will get better. God is with you and He loves you. This community loves you.
Hey friend,
I understand where you’re coming from.
My ex was abusive towards me and sexually assaulted me 3 1/2 years into our relationship. It’s been over a year and I still struggle with it. I constantly go through the “if only’s” and blame myself, even though I know it was NOT my fault. Likewise, the rape was NOT your fault so do your best to not blame yourself (and don’t tell yourself you deserved it - I do that with some things and I want you to know that absolutely no one deserves to be raped or assaulted.) I also want to add that I stayed with my ex for about six months after he assaulted me. It’s not pathetic. It takes a lot of courage to leave.
I also want to add something that may be controversial or something you don’t agree with, and that’s okay. You may have heard this before, but virginity is a social construct. Having sex (consensual or not) doesn’t make you any less “pure” or any less of a person. Because it’s a social construct, you could try thinking of losing your virginity as the first time you have consensual sex.
Hold fast 
Love,
Sophic
Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry that you we’re put through that. Nobody should ever have to experience that. No matter the age. It’s awful. I was sexually abused by both of my grandfathers starting at age 6 through my teen years and I was raped by my neighbor when I was 16, twice. I didn’t know how to defend myself. He would not take no for an answer and kept pressuring me. I finally just gave up and let him do his thing. I felt so helpless in the matter.
Nobody should ever have to go through that. And it’s terrible when being under the fluence or intoxicated is used as an excuse. He may not remember it, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it happened and it shouldn’t have.
Let me tell you. YOU are NOT pathetic. I can understand embarrassment or shame that may come with it, but you absolutely are not pathetic.
I’m sorry if people do not believe you. I went to my family about my abusers and I was called a liar. I was treated poorly and as if I was breaking the family apart. Shunned and set aside because they didn’t want to admit to the truth or face it. It’s a shame when things like this happen and you are left to feel afraid to talk about it or express because people don’t want to hear you.
It took me many years to move passed what happened and learn to cope. So if you ever need a friend, my inbox is open to you.
You are precious and wonderful. You are strong. Even if you don’t feel like it right now. You deserve better than what you have been put through. You are loved. Valued. Cared for and matter. Your feelings matter and are valid.
I am here for you.
MayRankin21,
First of all, I know how much strength it must have taken to post about this. I just want you to know that we don’t take your words or experience for granted and I hope you know that we are here for you. This is going to be a long journey of healing for you and I want you to know that we love you and that we see your worth.
I’m so so sorry that happened to you. That is horrible. You are not pathetic for staying with him for so long. Sometimes after traumatic events we can try to convince ourselves that it wasn’t that bad or we try to forget about what happened. You aren’t pathetic at all. You have been hurt, but you are still here. You are still breathing and you are worthy and you are loved. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? Maybe a parent? Older sibling? Counselor? Coach? There are so many opportunities for you to get help out there and we will help you too. But sometimes it’s also good to have help and a support system from those who are in our day to day life. It can be so so scary telling someone about what happened, but you deserve to get the help you need during this really difficult time. If you don’t have anyone in your life you can trust you can always come here to HeartSupport and we will love you and support you.
Thank you so much for sharing. You story matters and it shows so much courage that you chose to share it with us. We love you so much, you do not deserve to be treated that way, especially by your boyfriend. I hope you find comfort in the community and I hope you find someone who will treat you with the love and respect you so clearly deserve. My own experience with this kind of thing isn’t as extreme as yours, but I’ve certainly felt pressured into sex by exes even though I didn’t want to and I’ve certainly thought of myself as pathetic and wanted to kill myself. Those feelings suck, but they don’t control who you are. You are not pathetic. You are strong, you matter, you are loved, you can make it through this. I believe in you.
Hang in there friend,
Jaden