Loving yourself

HeartSupport Support
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I have given my love to my friends
I have received almost no love back.
I think I know the answer.
It’s hard for someone to learn to love me,
If I haven’t learned to love myself. :heartbeat:
I’m trying to learn to love myself
But why is it so hard?

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I love that you wrote a poem! It’s beautiful. Learning to love yourself is a journey that we all take. As you get older you will see that everyone, even people who seem “perfect”, has flaws. There is no such thing as perfect and as you get older you will also come to love your quirks and differences. We are all constantly growing and learning. We all have things that we can improve upon and the most important thing is that we recognize the room for improvement and try. All you can do is try. Do your best and that is enough. It may not always feel that way, but it really is. It’s like that quote from Harry Potter when Harry is worried that he is a bad person, because he shares things in common with Voldemort. It’s said, “We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.” Act on your light, friend. :heart:️

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Hey Bert,

What are you learning about loving yourself?
What are some of the things you love about yourself right now?
What are some of the things you’re trying to love about yourself?
What do you find most difficult about it?

I was about to navigate away from this post, but I decided maybe I should answer these questions too, since I struggle loving myself too!

  1. I am learning that loving myself has less to do with what I do and more to do with who I am
  2. I love that I’m always improving, I love that I’m driven, I love that I’m funny, I love that I try things and stretch and can be depended on to change, I love that I care about people and have a purpose in life, I love that I am smart, I love that I am capable and a quick learner, I love the way I look (sometimes!), I love that I ask questions, I love that I can talk to anyone, I love that I am fearless and courageous
  3. I am trying to learn to love myself when I fail – at work, in my recovery (IE when I relapse and look at porn), in my marriage or with my kids – I am learning to try to love myself when I feel I’m not my best, when I feel I’m mediocre…I’m trying to not compare myself to others but to just look at MY story and judge “my best” as MY best
  4. I find it’s difficult to justify deserving love when I perform poorly because I believe that love is earned…that you give value / prove yourself and then someone gives you love…but even just yesterday I was telling someone I’ve never known that I love them…and I genuinely do…just because they’re them, just because they’re alive, KNOWING they’re struggling, and just feeling compassion and connection to them…I can be deserving of love for just being me, for just being. Wanting to learn this on a deeper / heart level.

That’s me! What’re your answers?

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Hey @Bert - Thanks for reaching out! One of my favorite quotes is, “You are your own worst critic.” We tend to be SO hard on ourselves, and you’re not alone in the fight. Be kind to yourself! Someone once told me, “All of the mean things you’re saying to yourself - would you ever say the same things to someone else’s face? No? Then don’t say them to yourself.” It takes time to learn how to love yourself, but you can do it!

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@Bert One of the reasons is you see most (if not all) of your flaws. Another reason is because what you might see as a flaw they do not.