Have you ever been so affected be something in your past, you react when you know you’re safe?
My younger brother, he got yelled at today, he was just being stupid. It wasn’t even yelling, it was just him being talked to sternly, and my immediate reaction was that it’s my fault. I’m so used to being called so many names by my real mom, that when my stepmom isn’t really yelling, I just assume I’m gonna get hit. I feel like an idiot, but I can’t help it. I feel so useless for being the way I am.
What didn’t help this whole situation, is that I had a rough day at school, and when my dad picked up on it, he started to be rude about it. Now, my dad is an amazing person, he served in the Marines, he was a cop, and now works for the fire department, he’s seen some stuff, he has PTSD. He is one of my best friends, but he started to get snippy with me because I was afraid of getting hit.
I really wish he understood what goes on in my head. He was sending me to counseling, and I enjoyed it. I felt better just talking to someone, but she ruined my life. October (and now November) have been hell…
Hey there friend. Have you told your Dad about this? Maybe try a new counseling service. I’m sorry that it hasn’t been going so well. Some aren’t that great and i know it sucks. But thank God there are some great counseling services out there! Maybe try reaching out to those. Never be afraid to reach out! You’re not a burden to people. You are showing strength when you reach out and ask for help. Really! You can never get too much help. Things will get better friend. The darkness doesn’t last forever, but the Light does. You are not useless. You are a blessing to us and the people around you, never forget that, because it is the truth.
Things will get better. Seek out the things that will help you love yourself more and don’t be afraid to remove yourself from the things which keep you from loving yourself.
Hold fast! Praying for you!
Hey friend,
I don’t think it’s crazy that you’ve got that deep wound in your heart from all of the pain that was caused to you when you were growing up…it makes sense that you “flinch” inside yourself, or you brace for impact when someone else is getting yelled at…I think what’s important is that 1) you’re already recognizing this in yourself, which is incredible…and 2) as you recognize it, when it’s happening to someone else, do your best to tell yourself that blaming yourself is a lie…in this circumstance, it’s important that you recognize: it’s NOT my fault! And once you recognize that’s where your mind is going, it’d be powerful and helpful for you to remind you that it’s not your fault. <3
It’s awesome that your dad sent you to counseling – what happened with the counselor? Are you talking about your mom ruined your life or your counselor ruined your life?
@Littlebitch666,
That’s such a tough spot to be in. I have had similar reactions to things due to past experiences. I have found that it helped to talk to someone outside my family because family members just couldn’t really grasp it or understand, so instead they respond out of fear or inability to handle what they are hearing… perhaps that is what happen between your and your dad when you tried to tell him.
It can sometimes be hard to find the right counselor but keep trying, I believe there is someone wonderful for you to open up to. It can be a bumpy road finding that person but it is worth it.
It must really suck for you right now, trying to deal with this all but keep going. Things can get better. It can be messy in the middle but the view at the end is marvelous.
Stay Strong!
Michelle
You’ve been abused. There is no getting over it. I understand the reason people want their suffering to go away. It doesn’t. The one thing in life that I learned about living is misery, pain, strife & stress is the constant.
This doesn’t mean you can never be happy or content. It just means there is a struggle and won’t be easy. You can learn to cope with the harshness of life. Coping isn’t necessarily the same as accepting. (I was both physically & psychologically abused as a child. Not by family, but by friends.) We all have the ability to survive, live and endure with the potential to find enjoyment through it all someplace, somewhere and even with someone.