I can still hear her faint laugh, and the tickle of her soft breath.
Shadows on the walls make me cry, as all the memories well up inside me.
Flashbacks send me wheeling with feelings of not breathing, and the scars of the days I split the being to ease my pain.
My mother was crying thinking I was dying, as my blood spilled all over the place.
But you stood there smiling, a smirk upon your face.
Later I stood there crying, knowing my relationship was dying, pleading for us to be the same.
And when that wouldn’t happen, I committed to the action as my pills spilled all over the place.
EMT’s came rushing as I was sprawled out in my face.
And again my mother sat there crying and you stood there smiling, a grin plastered on your face.
Even after the hospital stays and those days I split the veins, I still couldn’t walk away.
I need you I was crying, I love you I was even as I’m dying, well my mother begged me not to stay I don’t want to bury you one day.
I persisted to say the mom I’m ok I love her anyway.
And on the next hospital stay my mother continued to say you almost died, how much longer will you stay.
Love blinded me to that I wasn’t ok, I couldn’t stop loving her even to this day.
That goodbye wasn’t ok, I still wish we could’ve stayed the same, I love you even though you ran away.
Hey friend.
You are loved and cared for. You are not alone. I feel like I relate to your situation. I’m going through this also. It’s really hard to get through, but you have made the first step towards healing, and that step is explaining how you feel. We believe in you and we are here for you. You will get through this, friend.
Stay Strong
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Hi friend. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I’m sorry about your loss of someone who obviously was very important to you. Losing people that we love is always hard. I hope that from this experience you found some strength and became even stronger. You are so loved.
- Kitty
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