Sorry guys… Me again. I won’t make this too long.
As many of you know I made a post very recently about how hard the last few months have been with the constant battle against multiple self harm addictions including cutting and taking pills. I also outlined some of the events that have taken place and well… As a result of all of those things and me being weakminded, this post ended up being made I guess. Today marks a week clean of the addiction I have battled with alone for 6-7 years and although I know you guys are going to tell me that I should be proud of that, I know I should be… However, this morning also marks the first relapse in more than 2 months of no cutting. Instead of pushing out the fear of being more of a burden and forcing myself to reach out to the amazing support of this community, I fell back into my old ways and went straight for the blade to numb the overwhelming amount of emotion. The worst part? It didn’t even make me feel any better. As someone who is constantly thinking about how to prevent disappointing or hurting the people around me, I struggle to start back up when things go wrong to avoid these feelings, so right now I really don’t know how I’m going to come back from this, or if I even can come back from it. I fought for what felt like such a long time to just have it taken away within minutes. I’m not sure I can handle being caught in this viscious cycle of fighting and losing over and over. I’m already unable to do the basics of my job at work, I’m incapable of make my parents and family proud, hell I can’t even remember to cook my own meal or if I’ve even eaten most days. On top of these basic tasks every young adult should be able to work with, I can’t refrain from hurting myself. It’s just mistake after mistake, letting everyone around me down and I’m on edge waiting for the next thing to come along so I can fail that thing too.
I don’t see you as weak minded at all. Yes your life isn’t what you want it to be and you might have relapsed, but one thing that sticks out to me is you’re still fighting for what you want to achieve. You recently stepped out of your comfort zone and took a victory in something you’ve been battling for 6-7 years. That’s monumental and I want you to know that I’m proud of you for that and hope that you can continue that process. You haven’t disappointed me and I wanna ask if people actively tell you that you do? If they do, you might have to sever some ties in your life, because that’s not right. I believe that the best way to feel better is to surround yourself with people who are true friends, not those who create guilt and shame in your life. I know it’s a difficult battle, and it’s one you might not ever truly feel like you’ve won, but I believe that you can do it. I mean just look at what you just did, because that is a step in the right direction and something to be proud of. If you continue finding those small steps and take them, there will be more victories you can be proud of. You know that I and all of the other wonderful people who follow heartsupport will be there for you if you ask, whether it be advice on what to do or if you just need support for achieving your goals We love you Kayla and you’re awesome.
Life is so much more than this 
️
Kayla,
I can relate to these thoughts a lot- but guess what… you’ve been there to help me realize that the negative ways that I see myself are not true. I’ll state something along the lines that you have told me- don’t be so hard on yourself.
My friend, I love you a ton- and I know you know that. I can be pretty sure that you know that you are so deeply loved and cared about.
I know how it feels to think that you aren’t going to be able to make it to the end of the week or the next day- I have been there many times.
It’s hard to see and to accept but my friend you are doing such a wonderful job and I am so so proud of you. If you were gone Dan and Casey and everyone in this community would be so affected.
My friend you are not a failure, you are not stupid.
You are loved
You are cherished
You are valued
You are strong
You are brave
You are irreplaceable
You are important
Your presence is a joy to me
You are so valued
I love you my friend. Hold fast.
With love,
Lyss (your old pal Blurryface)
Hey @Kayla,
First off, I want to congratulate you for being a week clean!
I like how you’re one step ahead of us. 
But seriously, you shouldn’t diminish the fact that you should be proud of your victories. My mentor/accountability partner once told me, “Don’t focus on your slip-ups. Instead, focus on your victories. They might start small but they will grow.” Applying this to your situation, please don’t beat yourself up over the fact that you relapsed in self-harm. Instead, focus on (AND BE PROUD OF) the fact that you went 2 entire months being cut-free! Next, set a goal to make it 3 months. Then 6 months. Then 12 months. In a way, you’re developing muscle memory by slowing increasing the increments in which you refuse to relapse. Be kind to yourself. Be proud of yourself. You deserve it!
-Eric
Hey there Kayla. I can only imagine how much of a struggle these things are for you. Please please. You are never a burden To me. Or anyone Else here. You can message me whenever and ill do my utmost to be there for you.
You are wonderful. I havent met you but I dont need to, cause you have a wonderful beautiful energy around you and Im so happy Ive happened across you and all the Times you have helped me. I’m sure many others feel the same. Let us help you.
Also a side note but almost the most important part, Recovery isnt linear! It goes all over the place, down and up and stops and disappears and then goes a few steps back and then forward.
You are worthy of love and respect and I hope to be here to help you reach your dreams.
Kayla -
You are NOT a burden! Please, even if it’s every day, multiple times a day, when you need support reach out. Don’t be afraid, you’re safe. You should be absolutely proud of your accomplishment! I am so proud of you for fighting. Keep fighting, There’s a mountain before you, take it one step at a time. We’re here for you, ready to scale the summit beside you. Set your face like flint. Let those lies, those deceptive thoughts of failure slide right off of you. That’s all they are, lies. Each moment fight against them, say NO to them! Every moment fought against them is a victory. Every moment spent believing them does not equate to a lost battle, because the second you do say NO, it is a HUGE victory. Walk in your victories, as you do so your perception will shift from scaling a mountain, to stepping up a curb. You CAN overcome this, you have the ability to, it;s always been inside you, ready to burst forth.
Kayla,
You are definitely not a burden or a failure or any negative thing you can think of. You ARE a fighter, you are fighting multiple wars, working a job, and driving lessons. You are accomplishing so much at once it does become overwhelming. You are not weakminded if that was true you wouldn’t be able to post here and be so open and honest. Were here for you. Any negative thoughts or feelings put that on us we will help you through it. Waiting for the next bad thing is like negativity predicting, live for right here right now in this moment. We will worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Love you friend. We believe in you
-Evan
Hi Kayla,
Months of fighting and one backslide that shows you that you don’t get that same rush of feeling you once did when you cut is telling. The old outlet is fading. When you backslide after a long period of victory, it’s better to be kind to yourself and allow for that mistake to pass now knowing you have made amazing progress. Keep listening to the kind words here from these supportive people and trust in yourself.