Okay kind of a rant but man. Sundays are always terrible for me because im absolutely dreading school tomorrow and this week… im gonna have a bunch of exams and I cant handle them. Ive been not doing well and I just- dont need that to deal with. Ive been laying in my bed rocking back and forth trying to take deep breaths and I feel nauseous. Im also starting to kinda get stomach issues (i think it’s because I throw up a lot from anxiety) it sucks! I hate it so much and im just fes up with everything. I dont feel like any of this will get any better I mean- what If im just anxious and depressed my whole life? Im not living. Im just breathing and if life is gonna be this way why would I want to live? Im like questioning my existance and everything right now. I dont feel like I can handle the week ahead of me and certianly not next semester. I barely have gotten through this one and I have like no fight left in me. Im sick of acting like im okay, im sick of being around people im sick of all of it. Im over the edge, over my limits im just about done and i dont care about anything right now. Thats another thing, living with anxiey and depression is just hell because half of you cares so much and the other half doesnt and it just eats you alive. Im tired of feeling worthless and empty… i want it to end and im tired of my family treating me like crap i dont know if ill ever forgive them. I have supportive awesome internet friends but off the internet? Kids at school, family, “friends” treat me like shit. And i keep having nightmares about school and life and im struggling with feeling safe the only place i feel safe is church and im only there 2 hours a week. Living like this really just sucks. I dont know how im gonna get through the rest of my teenage years I can barely survive as is now , i still wish I could get help and i wish my effing family could care about the fact that im not okay, they know im not okay and they dont care! It makes me SO mad. And for several weeks i just have been not wanting to be alive. I mean I dont want to like end my life id be to afraid to although ive come close to doing crap before and ive been dealing with suicidal thoughts but i just wish everyone I know could just forget me… i wish My existance could fade away. ( sorry this post is kinda all over the place my brain is really scattered)
I know exactly how you feel. It’s the worst feeling in the world dealing with anxiety and depression and feeling like no one cares. It took my dad 6 years and me going into crisis for him to realize that mental illness is a real thing. It’s so hard to deal with, but I think you are SO strong to be dealing with both. It really does feel like it’s all you’re going to deal with for the rest of your life and it’s the worst feeling. School honestly doesn’t make it any better either. Keep fighting 
and take it from me, don’t keep it in. I’m glad you came here and said something because the more you keep it in, the worse it gets.
Hey what up my dude,
Honestly I’d rather you skip the exams and go see a counsilor or took to the school one. It’s seems your relying on your family to help you but you know that’s not gonna happen. Maybe explain your situation to a teacher who can help you out. Not just with coping but with the exams. I’m pretty sure u can have separate exams it you really need them and no one needs them better then you. Perhaps your anxiety has stopped you from reaching out but posting is a good sign that you can do it. If you can share your troubles with complete strangers than you can do it. I think you need the schools help through this. School councillor can help you. REALLy. I know I’m repeating the same stuff over again but I feel this is important for you to do. And don’t worry school will end. It will feel longer if your just stating at the finish line instead of running straight for it. I know how terrible anxiety is. I used to lay awake most nights dreading school because I would get beaten up nearly everyday. I believe in your strength I hope you do to and remember that we will aWays be here for your.
Eli