I posted last week about an eating disorder. And honestly I feel bad for posting this because I feel like I have been complaining about how I have been feeling a lot here lately. This Thursday I’m going back to counseling and as it’s getting closer Iv been getting so stressed out about it that I haven’t slept in a couple days. Is so scared about the possibility of getting hospitalized for malnutrition and wait loss Im still trying to get on the right medication to manage bipolar because of this my moods, sleep and everything has been all over the place. I can’t afford to mis my classes and fall behind in my corses. Im afraid that my parents will kick me out like they have before when they’ve found out I’m struggling with my mental health even though my relationship with them is doing good right now I’m scared of the possibility of being on the streets again because I have no were else to go. I’m questioning wether or not I should even go because I know I’m not financially stable enough to go to counseling consistently. I finally opened up to my closest friends about this and they said that they would try to help keep me accountable but idk how much that will help, I had to move back into my parents house and all my friends live in a different country’s then me right know. I’ve been isolated from a tangible community for a wile and I feel so alone. When I’m around others and interesting with people I feel ok even though I can’t feel joy in my own life right know I can at least see it in other people and it gives me hope that I might feel joy again. Wen I’m by myself this all falls apart I feel empty and so distant from god it hurts. I know he is there because he says the he will never leave it forsake us and I’m holding on to that truth ever though I don’t feel it right know. It’s like I’m looking into a void and it’s consuming me in this feeling of nothingness
Hey friend!
Thank you for reaching out. I had issues with taking steps for myself when I first came into HeartSupport. I refused to take on of the biggest steps I could have taken for my recovery even though I had the support behind me. I shot it down everytime it was mentioned to me, and Dan was relentless in encouraging me to go to meetings. I also know the fear of being kicked out because you’re not doing well. I was in the worst place with my anxiety and my parents basically told me that if I didn’t get a job they wouldn’t let me live at home anymore, it sucked, because now, my 21 year old sister refuses to work and that’s fine by my parents.
I made a decision a few days ago with the help of Casey to accept God, and I know that if my parents find out I will be abused more than i already am and that i could even be kicked out. Do I regret it? Nope. Not at all, I have the support of the community behind me in this and the help from them, so in all honesty, i dont need to let my parents know directly. If they find out, they find out… But I don’t need to be making it obvious to them. You have us here too, we will do whatever we can to help you. we love you.
Hold Fast
Kayla
Hey, first I just want to say that you should never be sorry about posting here. It’s such a brave thing to do and I’m more than willing to give my time if I even can make you feel 1% better.
I completely get why you feel stressed, as you fear the worst scenarios and probably more so the unknown. I would like to say, that even tho it doesn’t always feel like it, you do have an impact on the decisions a councilor make, and I’m sure that it won’t end up being the worst ever.
The whole roller-coaster of trying to find the right medication is something I wish didn’t exist, I wish there was one that worked for sure, because it can be such a destructive factor… I really hope they solve that soon and get you something which works, crossing my fingers for you
Your parents are wrong to treat you like that. In hard times they should be there for you and help. I don’t think you’re lost just because you are falling behind or struggle with your mental health. That’s where I see grounds for you to get better with the right kind of support system around you. I believe in you.
I know how it feels to not have friends close by as that was how I had it for a long time, and I still do to a certain point. I do also however know that I have awesome friends both in this community and elsewhere who literally will drop what they are doing and try to help. I know it can be frustrating, but if anything is bothering you, we and all your other friends will help, lift you up.
Never hesitate to message me in the discord if you need. You can make it through this, even when it’s difficult.
Life is so much more than this. Hushy ~