I have been with my wife for four years, two of which we have been married. Over the course of our relationship I have not been a present husband or very supportive partner to my wife. She has expressed her concerns with my devoted time to video games and other distractions that make her feel unimportant in our relationship. Over these years she has tried to suggest that I seek pastoral or therapeutic guidance to work out these problems. I always promised to do something about it but never got around to it.
Just the other day she told me that she wanted to separate. This hit me so hard. And the following day she expressed to me that she has developed feelings for another person. He exhibits the characteristics that I used to have in the beginning of our relationship. She told me that these feelings are juvenile as of only about five days ago. And she couldn’t keep this to herself and had to tell me out of guilt. I don’t blame her for what has happened, my lack of actions have driven her to look for approval and acceptance elsewhere. But it still hit me like a truck. I am worried that it may be too late for me to make significant changes in our relationship to rebuild what trust and love we had before I become complacent in our relationship. I am terrified to lose her and I want to be the best husband that she could ever ask for.
Sorry for such a long explination I just need words of encouragement in these hard days.
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Hey there friend,
Let me just start by saying I’m sorry to hear this is how your relationship with you wife has come to, I’ve never been married but i know this situation sucks. What i can see from this is that you do care about your wife, however you havent been able to show it to her in a way that she deserves to be shown love. As an hardcore gamer myself, I know how addicting video games can be, but I know my limits. I try to limit myself to an hour or so during the day and save the rest of my time for the evening after I have done what I needed to do during the day. I would say if you want to make this work, I would pack up the video games and put them away for a time so that you can prove to her that you are devoted to her.
Now when it comes to getting therapeutic guidance, I dont think that it needs to be just you that goes to these meetings. I think maybe both of you should be going so that you guys can work on growing your relationship back to where it should be. But all of this has to start with you.
Hopefully this helps, Hold Fast.
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Thanks you Justin. I have made plans and preparations to put the tower and consoles away and put my time into spending time with her. I do have a hard time pulling myself away from screens. And I have reached out to a therapist and am awaiting conformation of an appointment. I would ideally like her to come with me however I think that I need to go alone first to get a baseline going.
Hi friend, I struggle with loving my wife the way she deserves as well. Marriage is WORK for sure. It sounds as though you love her though. Which obviously is most important. Marriage definitely requires sacrifice as well… on both ends. So get the help you need and she should get the help she needs. I have bitterness in my heart towards my wife for being unfaithful in the past. But we patched things up because we were aware of our faults. But my bitterness is still there therefore I need help which is why I’m on heartsupport. Anywhooo… lol this post is about you and I hope you make the sacrifices that need to be made for the sake of your marriage…
Peace to you,
Paul
Thank you for your input Paul. My wife and I went out together last night I booked us some time at an axe throwing facility. We had a great time and the two guys that were in our lane were super nice and social. I did find it very hard to avoid talking about us and what our future holds. She kept telling me not to cry, and I didn’t. She said this because this is not her first marriage. Her first husband struck her on a few occasions and cheated on her with a co-worker that he ultimately wound up marrying. So when she expressed that she had feelings for another she felt awful for how it made me feel and she hates seeing me hurt. Because she was in those shoes before and never througt that she’d be the one inflicting pain on her husband. She is a faithful woman and has never cheated. But overall I am able to keep my emotions in check when I am around her now. It is hard to hear her say that she knows that she needs to cut off communications with this other guy and turn into our marriage and try to work together to fix it. I told her that she needed to sort out her feelings to figure out the best route for her. But the waiting is killing me inside. I have expressed all the things that I am aware of that I wasn’t doing for her and am actively working to change those things. Everyday feels like an endless slog when I’m not around her. Before I left for work today I had to force myself to leave her side, I almost made myself late. And I work 10 & 1/2 hour shifts. It’s just so hard right now.
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