New year, new me. Or so they say. I’m not one for new year’s resolutions, and never really have been. I’ve always been generally healthy, generally on top of things, and generally in control. If you read my previous post, you’d know that I’m on antidepressants. In a span of two months, I will have gone from taking no medication to 5. (Granted some will stop after a few months.) But that’s still a big change for me. It’s not bad, of course, but I’ve been so focused on my health the past few months that, while getting out of routine during a more depressive episode, my life hasn’t exactly gone back to being on top of things or in control. Today was the first day of the new semester. I stayed focused in my classes, met up with people, talked to new people, and was proud of that. But I didn’t do anything homework related or finish unpacking my things. I know I should be proud of what I have accomplished, but I’m afraid I’m not going to have a routine again and things will fall apart. I don’t want to fail or drop any classes, and I don’t want to feel physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted every day when I wake up. I’m feeling more in control than I was, which should help me create and maintain a routine, but I also have other factors in my life that make me feel not in control. (Panic attacks and the like, mostly from abuse/assault and processing everything that goes with that. I’m having a really really hard time processing those things.) I know it’s not the end of the world but I feel like I just need a push to get me going again, so that’s why I’m here. 
hold fast
current soundtrack - california by blink-182, tracing back roots by we came as romans