I feel ready to stop trying now… Every time, I try to reach out for someone to talk to because I need that one to one connection, I get pushed away, or it ends up being me providing support for that person, even though I’m the one that’s in crisis. This isn’t the case for everyone - there’s a few people that I can go to, but, they can’t always be around because of their families or work, which I respect 100%
I don’t know why I’m still going… I can’t help but feel like my prayers aren’t being heard… Is this where God’s plan ends for me? I don’t know what else to do. I’m on medication, I’m in therapy, I’m TRYING to talk to people, but, it’s all so pointless. Even if I do get out of my house, the abuse from my dad won’t stop. It’s never going to stop.
Everyone would just be better off if I was dead. I wouldn’t have to deal with the abuse anymore. I wouldn’t have to burden everyone with my shit, and I wouldn’t have to deal with this pain anymore.
I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at the end of my rope - why is having one person to just hug me and tell me I’m going to be ok, too much to ask?
I don’t see any other way out… Is God even hearing my cries for help anymore?
Hey Michaela, my name is Chris and I want you to know that I would be more than happy to help you in anyway I can. It seems like you are in a rough situation and my heart goes out to you. I’m sorry that you are being pushed aside when you need support but just know that people at heartsupport are here to listen to you. One thing to keep in mind is that you have to have faith in God and that if you let him your life and you truly believe in him he will aid you. I find the times when God is distant from is when I don’t have much faith in him. You have to trust him and his guidance. I want you to remember that God values your life and so do I. Don’t give up, you can get through this!
Hey @Kayla, I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. I’ll be here for you if you need me. I’ve almost always got time to listen. I’m not exactly sure what to tell you about god hearing you ( I’m not religious or anything like that). Just know that I don’t think you or anyone else would be better off with you dead I really don’t. I’m on hs quite a bit and I enjoy reading your replys and just seeing that you are active on here because you love helping people and you also keep the courage to reach out when you need to. We are here for you, dont give up. Don’t be afraid to msg me if you need to talk or vent or anything like that
@Kayla
Hey Kayla I know at times it seems that He isn’t listening or that the conversation seems one sided and I understand that but He is actually closest to those who are suffering and at their lowest. I always believed and prayed but never felt anything. But it wasn’t until I hit my rock bottom/hit my darkest point that I began to not only pray, but talk to God through my pain and it wasn’t until then that I started to heal. I gave all my pain to him and returned the favor with healing, because He loves us unconditionally. ( Psalm 3:17-18) I hope this helps you some and if you ever need a someone to talk too or listen I & the rest of Heart Support are here for you.
We spoke a little bit this morning, so I know you know that I care about and love you. And I want to be able to know how to best help you feel better when you are struggling. Our relationship is still very new so we are still getting to know each other. I know that we have had quite a bit of things in common in regards to family and living situation, so you know that we can talk if you are comfortable with it. We are in completely different time zones so I know that availability isn’t always in sync. But I have always tried my best to offer you love and support. Tell me how I can be a better friend to you. How I can make you feel better. Do you need a friend to game with? I’m not very good at it, but I’m willing to play Overwatch casually with you to be a distraction if we can find a time to make it happen. Do you want to hang and watch a movie on https://www.rabb.it/ ? What kinds of movies do you like?
I try my best to be a friend. But I need you to meet me half way and let me know how I can help you my friend. I am never sure what advice or what kind of support you want.
I know that we both struggle with having long distance friends and struggle with family. I know that we both hurt a lot and people are not always available so we have to try to build a routine for ourselves so that we can get through our hardships. It’s not easy. It’s a process. But I know that we both can find our way through all of our hurt and pain. It takes time, effort, patience and willingness to change our attitudes. But I know we can do it. You are on a good path with it already. You are seeing a therapist, you talk to people when you can, you’re actively trying to make a positive change for yourself.
Don’t give up, Kayla. Find the things that give you hope and strength and hang onto those things. Set little goals for yourself. Small realistic goals that will allow you to achieve the bigger goals you want. Like moving out, having your independence. So that you can one day build your own happy and safe environment and fill it with all of the things that bring you up. It’s not easy, but we are here loving you. Supporting you and trying our best to be whatever it is we can be to help you along the way.