tonight’s one of those nights where I feel okay but also have a feeling of being alone and lost. I’m so unsure of everything right now, unsure of myself, unsure of the future, unsure of the decisions I’ve made, just everything. I keep trying to stay positive, but I just feel like I’m making no progress. everyone around me is stuck in the same kind of pain I’m in, and I don’t know how to help. I feel like I’ve let so many people down, that I could be doing more. I feel so selfish. I feel disgusted with myself, but I honestly don’t really know why. I don’t know what to do about anything thats going on in my life. I want to be there for others, but I just can’t be. it seems like I’m not enough. I don’t really know how to describe how I’m feeling, all I know is that I’m stuck in a mindset of worry and dread. I’m scared for the future. I don’t want to see whats gonna happen. this past week all I’ve wanted to do is just disappear. I feel so distraught and lost I don’t know how to help myself. it seems like everything is working against me and no matter how strong I try to be, I just can’t help but think if it’d be better to just let my mind win and not try anymore.
Hey Nicole, I feel this so much. I was in your exact same position at the end of 2016. As it turns out, 2017 was the best year of my life. I’ll tell you what I did and maybe it can help you out, too. For me, I felt so alone and depressed. Nothing was working out, I hated being around myself and it’s not like I couldn’t be, ya know? I always told myself that I hope there is nothing after death just so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of being me anymore. But, then I started seeing people on youtube or on podcasts living life the way I wanted to. I realized I didn’t really have anything else left to lose and decided to just try and make myself a little bit better. Bit by bit, I started changing things about myself and a year and a half later I’m completely unrecognizable from the person I was in January 2017. I love being myself and being around others. People come to me now to talk and they like being around me. I did it just by picking one thing, it doesn’t matter what because it will eventually lead into something else. Pick the first thing that comes mind, preferably something easy, and start there. Just try and get better at it. Don’t try and change too much too fast. It won’t work. But if you just try and be a little bit better every day I promise you, you will be so much better and happier. Because happiness is in the struggle. Instead of letting things happen to you and work against you, actively pick what you want to struggle for and you will end up doing so much better. If you do nothing life with throw things at you and that’s rarely, if ever, a good thing. Life itself will batter you down and level you with the ground but when you choose the battlefields, you will almost always walk away with a positive experience, I guarantee you that. Just try and improve a little each day.
Secondly, as a history teacher, I always tell people that if you know the past you’ll never fear the future. The past is your best friend and so are your failures. It’s from failure that we learn. Failure always tells us the truth but success rarely does. Also remember that history repeats itself. That’s key. The same things that happened in the Roman Empire are happening again today and have happened many times before then. If you can look back on the past and understand what happened during and after those times, you’ll know what to expect in the future. But also never discredit your own history. Look back at how things have gone in your life and see the patterns. See how they repeat. Then when you see them happening again, you’ll know what the result will be and you can either let it happen knowing you’ll be ok or you can see the warning signs and change it. That goes for the world and as you as an individual.
Those are some of the things that have helped me and I hope they help you, too in some way. Feel free to hit me up if you want to talk more and remember, even though we’ve never met, I like you just the way you are 
-Ryan
Nicole - you are making so much progress just by posting here and reaching out. It’s ok that you’ve got to take some time out of yourself, you need to recharge sometimes. No one will think any less of you. You’re not alone, you have an entire community here with you. We love you, and we aren’t going anywhere. It’s ok to take a step back, it’s not selfish. You are taking time to help yourself and that way you can better help the people around you.
Hold fast
Kayla
Hey @nicole_kaley,
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re not doing too well. You are absolutely not alone with feeling like this - it’s very common to feel lost, unsure of the future and confused about a purpose. I’ve been there (heck, I still am), and I tend to collect a lot of anxiety by worrying about the future and regretting the past. Recently I learned about this technique called “grounding” and I want to share it with you.
Depression <----------O----------> Anxiety
Picture this as a timeline, with you being the circle in the middle. Depression occurs when you saturate yourself in regrets of the past, and anxiety occurs when you saturate yourself in worries of the future. When you catch yourself leaning too far to the left or right, execute the “5-4-3-2-1” method.
5 - See
4 - Touch
3 - Hear
2 - Smell
1 - Taste
Look around and spot 5 things you see. Touch 4 things around you. Listen in on 3 noises that are happening around you. What 2 smells can your nose pick up? What can you currently taste in your mouth? By the time you’ve finished #1, you’ll be more grounded than you were before. The whole point is to focus on the present, and to appreciate what is currently going on in front of you. This will take your mind off of focusing too much on the past or future. I hope this helps!
-Eric