I’m so tired and hurt. Every day is about survival and its exhausting. I feel so alone in this world and my flashbacks keep coming up again and again. Its been snowing for five months now in the midwest and it feels like the sun won’t ever shine again. I have severe depression year-round but winter just makes it worse. I have to fight to stay clean from self-harm every single day and I go to bed every night with this heaviness. Every night I lie awake for hours in so much emotional pain only to get woken up at 5 again. I’m not at the point where I need the hospital yet, but I can feel it approaching. I don’t want to end up there again and disappoint my family and my therapist and fall behind on schoolwork though. Everything just hurts and nothing gets better. It hasn’t gotten better for years now. I just want to make it go away.
I know this feeling, just know right now it’s the heart of the storm.
The storm will pass.
I’m sorry things are hard right now- just know you are not alone.
You are loved, you are worthy of good. You don’t deserve this pain.
Keep fighting. This too shall pass. I believe in you.
Love,
Lys
hey depressedllamacorn,
Sounds like a rough storm, like Lys mentioned…one that seems to come back even when you feel you’ve beaten it. It’s like you outrun the edge of the storm and feel the sun for a few short days only to have the storm migrate with you, and you don’t really know what to do. You have people in your life counting on you, and you don’t want to let them down by deciding to go to the hospital.
What have you noticed is at the “eye” of this storm? You’ve seen it many times now…what is this whole thing revolving around?
Thank you! I’m trying.
Thanks for the reply Nate! I think a lot of it has to do with loneliness. I feel really lonely. Another thing it probably has to do with is sleep deprivation.