So this past Sunday, I ended up going into the ER/OB Triage because I was having preterm contractions and I had heat exhaustion from the previous day, which was my baby shower that was outdoors. When I got to the hospital they did the usual, hooked me up to monitors to check the babies' heart rates and monitor my contractions. Well there was a turn of events where I was no longer the concern but the babies were. Both of my little wombmates' heart rates decelerated during one of my contractions and it was long enough for the doctor to become concerned and put me on overnight monitoring. Of course this scared me, but I figured it was a one time thing and they'd do better on the overnight monitoring. Well they didn't. Their heart rates continually dipped throughout the night and a handful of times the early morning after being moved to a labor and delivery room. Well because of that I was moved once again and put in a perinatal room where they did another set of monitoring and another test that involved an ultrasound. I at this point was freaking out, but still trying to keep positive.
So they passed the ultrasound test and just needed to past what's called an NST (non stress test) which is the heart rate monitoring for 20-25 minutes. The doctors said they's just that NST and they believed they would be able to send me home on Monday night. It took them too long to get to reviewing my NST with all the deliveries they had going on. So I stayed the night again under the impression that I would be discharged in the morning. Well this morning they came to me and said that the babies barely met the results wanted for discharge so they wanted one more NST and I could go home. So I had a silly pep talk with my wombmates and figured all would be fine. It was not. During this mornings' NST, baby girl's heart rate dropped way too low and was there for almost two minutes. The drop discouraged me I became really depressed and everything was irritating me. I asked my mom who was staying with me to leave and I just felt like I couldn't eat nor sleep and I was afraid for my babies. The doctors did another ultrasound test which both babies passed so they told me that the babies need to pass an NST and I could go home, but they didn't think it would happen for the results we had been getting. My mom was gone, I had cried a bit in a shower while trying to relax myself and tried to eat my lunch which didn't go so well. I was exhausted and through.
Then something amazing happened. My uncle, who happens to be a reverend showed up, to pray for me. Of course, lately with all that had been happening with my babies and my life in general and the past 10 months, I felt strange about his prayer, but I prayed with him anyways and did the best I could to accept the prayer. He left, I took two naps, ate my dinner, and my sister came in just before my NST set for 6pm. She cheered me up by letting me vent about things and cracking some jokes with me. The nurse came in and set the monitors up. I was nervous and I was still a little depressed. I didn't even do my silly wombmate pep talk, but I did all I could to be in a decent mood. I just kept thinking about the prayer and how my sister made me feel. The NST started off iffy, but went absolutely perfect after a few minutes and some added extra minutes of monitoring. They approved of the test and discharged me within 20 minutes. I felt so much better. I felt amazing and excited and proud of the babies and came home in a great mood.
After settling on my sofa, I thought about the prayer my uncle had done. I thought about how I took the smallest leap in accepting the prayer and I smiled. I called my uncle and let him know that his prayer had single-handedly restored my faith. I expressed how I'm ready to give my faith and God another chance; that I am prepared to start going to church again to make my faith strong again. My faith being restored like that was so unexpected because I had said so many times how I felt I didn't think I could believe in God completely anymore. My life was too messed up to have faith in something I couldn't see, but it's back and that prayer and the return of my faith just like that felt like a miracle. I guess it took the health of my unborn loves to bring me back and I am okay that it took that to bring me back. So with all that being said, I'm going to keep God on my mind during the rest of my pregnancy and bed rest and once I am have recovered from delivering the babies, I'm going to go back church. I said I was going to go back to therapy, which I will be, but now I am adding church into that equation. It'll be scary returning to a church after so many years, but I'm going to do it with a smile on my face and that one small short prayer on my mind.
Sorry for the long post but I found this all scary, exciting, and completely worth sharing.
