hey guys, I’ve never posted on here before. I’ve been dealing with some things and I’m not sure who to turn to. Recently I was put on medication for depression, and while I do think it’s helping to an extent, I also know they aren’t going to “cure” me and this is a hard time of year for me anyways. It was about this time last year that I believe I was assaulted by my ex. I’m still processing this and the fact that I was also emotionally abused by him - even though all the evidence stacks up, I know I’m in at least some denial. While I think the meds are helping me have less anxiety attacks and breakdowns, I’ve had a few more-severe breakdowns recently. I used to self harm, and although I am 3.5 years clean (and proud), those thoughts still come back, along with the suicidal ones, and I’ve come close to giving in a few times. I don’t know if this is a product of my depression, the antidepressants, the time of year, or the assault/abuse stuff that I’m still processing, or some combination. It sucks because, although my depression has gotten lots better over the years, I’m struggling to not go back to that place. I’ve also learned some techniques to deal with the thoughts, but it’s easy to forget all that when your thoughts are racing on all the bad stuff. Even though my s.o. is a part of this community and will probably see this, I’m still posting here because I feel guilty going to them about this because I feel like a burden even though I know I’m not. Any comments are appreciated 
hold fast
recent soundtrack - rainbow by kesha, clarity by jacob lee