Searching to continue and meet the forgive

The last four years i only have dark vibes , i love since my 15 years old emo music and that ´s rigth , i just feel that this kind of music makes me feel happy even that age i go to conncerts , well at my 25 years i meet one girl , i admit that before she i had girls but anyone knows me like a person all only meet my icon personality …she meet me and bring me the sensation that she loves me, the problem was that she only wanna be in contact with the kind of dynamic we call scene, then she go to seduce and have sex with members of bands and all that kind of stuff …the problem is that i trust her lies and i still in love and i know she dont love me; she continues her life but im stock with that rare feeling is rare cause when i think about her i want that she loves me and remember the good moments but then i remember who she is and feel so sad to know that im lying to me , and in this moment the dark vibes arrives i try to expel my fear and sad imagining that she is having sex ,and being a stupid girl, then appear the good side of me loving her and i just want to text her … i just want start my life with forgiving , but its so hard forget the rage and more than the disappointment, the love , the obsession … i have a normal life and do my stuff but is so frequently that i think about that girl … i have periods without looking at her media profiles like 9 mounths or moore time but the feelings dont desappear and i back to look is so rare like a pathological mourning…i write here after looking a video about As I Lay Dying i jsut want to let people know that we can have in our shoulders memories from yesteryear that
confuse and makes us feel disabled and blur even though we are normal and good people
we can hate ourselves because we love wrong people or we judge people trying to save our heart .
XOXO Sorry about my english i speak other lenguage

krnknm,

Man it can be so tough to feel like you’re so completely attached to someone who doesn’t want anything to do with you…to feel like it started as sweet as honey only to realize it was a trap and now you’re stuck only to experience this slow painful detachment…to feel like you can go a long time without thinking about her and then wham get totally slammed with this thought / feeling that you need to reach out or to re-attach or to reconnect or whatever…it’s gotta be so brutal, because then as soon as that happens, you already know that there’s no hope of the relationship ever reforming in a meaningful way, and you know that it’s not good for you, but still, you have this unhealthy unnatural draw to her, and when it hits, it spirals past all of your “sane thoughts” and grips you back as if things had never changed…and then you feel terrible about yourself, and then because you feel worse, you have higher hopes that she’ll return and make you feel better, and on the cycle goes…you’ll get out of it for a while and then something will suck you right back in…it feels like you get out long enough to catch your breath before another wave crashes over you and takes you under.

Really sucks that you’re in that position man, wanting something you can’t have and in wanting it it completely sucking the life out of you…That’s brutal dude.

I’m happy you’re here – thanks for coming through the AILD video and sharing your heart <3

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