When I was 14 I cut myself for the first time. At first I didn’t do it for very long, but by the time I stopped I had 10 cuts/ scars on my leg. I quit because of my anxiety, I was so afraid someone would find out, but that didn’t keep me away forever. When I was seventeen I started to do it again, except this time I only hit myself. I had bruises up and down my legs for weeks at a time. I would stop and then start again. It was that way for months and then I started to cut myself again, but only a couple of times. I quit it all again and I was clean for 4 months… But recently I burnt myself… I’m not currently active in self harm and I don’t want to be. I’m writing this because sometimes I want to talk to others who have self harmed, but I worry that my self harm history wont really be recognized… Cutting is the most recognizable and known version of self harm, I just worry no one will really acknowledge what I’ve been through…
Thank you for being so honest. I am sorry for your pain, and am glad that you can speak freely here. Work to re-set your mind and heart on the truth that you are of high value. Treat yourself with the tender care to sooth and reassure. Continue to reach out to others who struggle and be that voice of encouragement to press forward. Pain lessens the more you focus on healing. Be well. You are a treasure!
Self harm is self harm in any form, I’ve been there for my own reasons just as you have been fighting for yours. There’s no way I can think of to tell you that you can live without it that wouldn’t sound like a cheesy cliche, and sometimes the mind needs that stimulation and I get that, so flat out quitting might not be what you need. Replacing the habit takes a lot of experimenting with whatever other methods you can think of, but if you do find a better way to handle those feelings it will help you keep your mind in check and keep your body strong, and will include the benefit of removing the shame you feel towards yourself when you fall back into harming. Things I try to do often to take out my feelings include small local concerts that cost little to no money, but give me access to aggressive or emotional music. I also found a hobby in my guitar, and I can’t even play all that well but being able to physically manifest my feelings through the sound helps me release them in the same way cutting and burning used to. Those are mine, yours can be anything you could imagine. The only goal here is to keep your body safe while your mind handles itself however it needs to.