Today after school was awful. I started having either a panic or anxiety attack and I was trying to get my mind off of it by talking in a discord server. The people online at the time were helping me to get my mind off it and then a troll came on. They started sending me DMs saying how I should kill myself and cut myself. Then another person did it as well. My mind made me think that I should listen to them and at least cut. My mind is still telling me to do this. I can’t get it to stop. So many people tell me that I’m worth it and that I’m wanted, but am I really? Am I the person that should be told that she’s worth every good thing that comes her way? I don’t feel like it. I just want to crawl into a ball and disappear. I want to cry until I can’t breathe. I just don’t want to be a burden to people. If people say that I shouldn’t be here anymore than why stay? If people say I shouldn’t be clean anymore than why not relapse on that? I don’t want to be a disappointment, but I don’t want to be looked upon as a coward either. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to calm my mind. I feel like a lost cause. Why do people stay when I barely want myself to stay sometimes? I’m out of ways to calm down and cope. I’m out of ideas on how to turn these urges into something positive. I’m just feeling so alone right now.
Sarah,
DO NOT listen to those jerks, you do not need to do that your life is so precious. and you are worth it and wanted . thats the truth . I had someone want to do horrible crap to me and threaten to kill my now ex from 2017-2018, he finally appologized but your are so not alone. Please stay alive , you’re worth it!
-ashley
Thank you for sharing those thoughts and feelings. Those trolls are lying to you and intentionally trying to cause you more pain. I wish that they weren’t adding to those thoughts that you were already struggling with but please know that they are lies. You ARE worth it and you ARE important and you ARE strong. Please stay strong through these times and lean into the people who are there for you and care for you. And please share on here as much as you need! Maybe check out the ReWrite HeartSupport book for help through self harm.
You are also definitely not alone in having those feelings 
Hang in there. We believe in you