The past week and a half has not been the best. My grandmother has been put back in the ER due to a sickness she got from her pneumonia antibiotic. I was very worried at first because I woke up to my mom crying, apparently my grandma had been puking and could barely move the previous night. She has 5-6 spots on her good lung- she had half of her other one removed due to cancer- and the lacerations on it are strikingly similar to the ones that were cancerous on her other lung.
I’m glad that the issues she had were not directly related to her cancer; I had a slight fear that this was her end so soon. But I believe she will be okay for now.
I’ve been really depressed. Not having a job is really getting to me; I have an interview today and tomorrow which is good, I just hope it works out. It’s just bringing on a feeling of being a burden to my parents and feeling as though I have no purpose anymore. I can barely bring myself to work on music or art. I try but I get nowhere.
My anxiety has been bad; all the loud noises in my house get to me and I can feel a constant state of fear in my body and bones and it’s making me so tired. It’s understandable for me to be tired since my body is constantly fighting against the anxiety and depression, but at this point I can barely make myself get out of bed or get up and be active.
I am so sorry to hear about your grandma, but I am happy to hear that things seem to be stable at the moment for her! I will be praying for a quick recovery for her!
I know how stressful and frustrating finding a job is. Know that you are doing your best and you are not a burden. All you can do is your best and things will fall into place as they should. I know it is hard waiting and trying to push through in the meantime though, but I know you can do it!
I completely understand how you feel though being tired and just not really wanting to do the things you enjoy. It is so hard to do those things when you are fighting something like depression and anxiety. They are very emotionally and even physically draining. I would encourage you to just take things a day a time and be kind to yourself. Recognize that you are doing your best and it is okay to take a step back and do things that help you so that you are taking care of yourself. Good luck on your interviews and let us know how it goes!! Love you, friend.
Sounds like a rough week.
I lost my grandma to spinal cancer and also happened to be her care giver at the time.
Was with her till the end. I know what your going through and i wouldnt wish it on anyone.
Gonna be real with you okay?
No BS.
If your here im assuming you feel like you cant resolve this with your family, so im going to offer some solo solutions.
Dont keep your feelings bottled up / suppressed. Think hard about whats bothering you and allow your self to cry about it. if your having trouble getting some tears to flow play some really sad music or better yet create a music loop or play something on an instrument to fit your needs.
When im feeling sad i play my piano and just let it all out.
As far as anxiety and depression goes
there is nothing worse for either, than staying indoors. Especially if your a night owl or PM gamer.
You need some nature.
find a nice park or nice hiking trail. Grab a good book and pack a lunch. Seek out a nice shady tree and just sit and relax. take slow deep breaths in and out. Take your time and enjoy the day.
A couple greats books that i highly recommend would be ~The Name of The wind~ and ~Mistborn~. Both are wonderful fantasy books.
Do not use your cell phone.
As far as loud noises at home go…
during the day, open up a window or two, slap on some headphones and either play some Chillstep music or nature sounds, such as rain and thunderstorms, ocean waves, birds chirping, etc(you can find all of the above on youtube). Sit near the open window and take slow deep breaths, in, and out. Fresh air is VERY important for mental health.
Aim to clear your mind.
On a side note
Try to be awake at 10am, eat a proper meal and take vitamins, sit in the sun for a few minutes.
Avoid caffeine of any kind.
Also when you take a shower turn it to cold for a minute or two right before you get out, just trust me on this. be sure to soak your face and head in the cold water.
Having a job, even if it is just part time, is a step in the right direction.
Some sort of financial stability will open up options and make feel less stuck in any particular situation.
everyone is different but these things should help you out ALOT
I have definitely been in your position with my grandfather. He had very aggressive brain cancer and the sickness is not only overwhelming for the patient, but for the whole family. The uncertainty of whats happening can be so stressful and anxiety inducing. I am so sorry that you are going through that and if you need to talk, feel free to reach out. Don’t judge yourself too harshly for having a rough time getting through it. You are strong and capable. You can do this. You can also allow yourself to have some bad days or experience some intense emotions over it.
I believe you will get a job. You do have a purpose. You are so important. And you are still trying! You are still getting interviews, you’re not giving up… that says so much about you! I am so proud of you for continuing to put yourself out there and working towards this goal. You can do it. We all love you.