i am dealing with a lot of suicidal ideation today feel like i have no where to turn or no one to go to feel like i am bothering everyone. like i am a waste of space. i dont post here often but i am running out of ideas and and places to turn to. i am scared usually i sense if its just a passing emotion and i dont feel like that this time this may be the end for me even though i am still taking my meds and still have my therapy appointment i just dont feel like i will make it through this one
Accepting your feelings and understanding your situation is the first step. The next step is to Accept yourself. It is moot to have/want others to Accept you when you Reject yourself.
To Accept yourself you must reason or find why you think yourself unworthy of acceptance or a waste of space. Point out the reasons you feel like a waste of space.
For me it was:
I was hated by the world (when in truth it was I was an introvert that didn’t converse/interact with others and therefore had no friends plus I expected these people to reach out to me instead of me reaching out to them.)
People would insult me (kidding or not) for being different from them (race/weight) and the reason this bothered me was because I didn’t like myself for being fat and I, as a child saw myself as my Father, Caucasian & white while I didn’t realize that I was biracial and Asian as well.
I couldn’t get laid. As a teenager, we quickly get brainwashed into believing our value in society is derived by looks, relationship, and gender roles. (If I, as a man am not a Father and Provider for my family with a history of bedding ever chick possible before I got married then I was no man. (or as a woman, you wasn’t chased down by every pervert in existence then married, staying at home where you were an incubation chamber and doing almost every chore concerning the keeping of the house then you were no woman.) I (you) was nothing but a waste of space. Truth is that being in a relationship has absolutely no bearing on your value or circumstance within society.
These to me were world ending conditions that couldn’t be changed when in reality they could be changed if I wasn’t deluded that it is my misfortunate fate.
Same is with you. You’re deluded that being “a waste of space” is your unfortunate fate and can’t be changed because it is what you feel when in truth, it is what everybody feels from time to time. I’m not trying to say it is no big deal. It troubles you and that is what matters. (as much as it had with me) I’m saying is there is always another option/fate. (You can/will make your own fate. That is an option most forget/ignore.)
The question you should be asking yourself is “how is suicide going to resolve the pain and my circumstance?”
Answer: It doesn’t resolve/end anything (there is absolutely no proof-past, present-that proves it does/will).
Friend,
you WILL make it through this one. I’m praying for you. don’t let your emotions define you. I know it’s hard but trust me when i say there is strength within you. For me personally, when i feel i don’t have any more strength within me, i lean to God and He comes through. If you’re running out of options, I encourage you to turn to Him, if you want.
You are NOT a waste of space. You never were, are, or will be. There is purpose for your life. You may not see it now, but all will be revealed if you allow it to be.
Everythings going to be ok. Trust me, this too will pass.
First let me tell you this, you have value and worth on this earth because you have breathe in your lungs! Please don’t ever give up friend! You are not a waste of space, you are not a burden, this community loves you!
I’ve had similar feelings friend, less then four hours ago I was ready to be done, and end it all, but I reached out and saw the love and support of this community and I’m still here! Hold fast friend, you can always reach out here and we will be here for you!
Hold fast… You’re worth it,
Monkey