The Endless cycle

HeartSupport Support
1

Lately I’ve been struggling.

I’m falling behind in class work, I’m always tired. I’m not eating healthy or working out. I still don’t have a job.

My mom calls and calls and calls. I know she’s just trying to help. Nothing is helping me.

I thought I could make it with art commissions and comics but I guess not.

I feel like a lazy piece of shit. I feel like all I am is a user.

I get mad when I shouldn’t be.

All I feel is annoyance and anger.

It’s a never ending cycle.

I don’t really feel safe in the HeartSupport discord anymore. There’s been a lot of growth and that’s great for HS. It’s just hard for me.

I try to help, but I can’t help anymore. If all I do is get mad I can’t help. I feel alone, I feel left behind, even though I shouldn’t feel that way.

Anxiety is kicking my butt again.

I don’t have money to make it certain places. I was gifted a ticket to an event but I can’t even afford a plane ticket. I feel like crap because I didn’t handle my funds better and I didn’t get a job faster even though that’s not my fault that no one called back about jobs.

I’m back in the mindset that there’s always someone more important than me; and I don’t know why that thought is so apparent but it is. It’s how it’s always been.

I feel like a lazy piece of trash.

I feel alone. I can’t even help my friends. I’ve had people get mad at me for trying to help and I just can’t get the freak over it.

I hate talking about my issues anymore; sometimes I wish I never did. I wish I wasn’t so open. I wish I wasn’t so weak. I wish I wasn’t so awkward. I wish I wasn’t so stupid.

2

Hey @Lyss, I feel a lot like you. [quote=“Lyss, post:1, topic:3483”]
I feel like a lazy piece of shit. I feel like all I am is a user.
[/quote]

No one needs to understand. You think you’re stupid by who’s standards, exactly? You don’t owe it to society to be just like everyone else in everything.
It’s okay that we fall down sometimes. This won’t last forever, ok? We just gotta keep on trying and marching on.
You should answer your mom. I know it feels like it’s not helping. But it might, you might just not see it at first. She cares, and that’s a good thing. For all you know, you might be the person whos very important to her.
You made some mistakes. You’re human. It’s okay. You try to help, and those people are wrong to get mad at someone trying to help. You feel like you deserve it, but you don’t. You wanted to help, there’s nothing wrong with that.
I know you feel left behind, and we’ll feel left behind together.
HS may have grown, but I’ll always be here for you. The purpose is still the same.
Hold on. I believe in you. You’ll be okay.

1 Like
3

Hey Lyss,

I can see you’re very overwhelmed and I can understand why. It’s so frustrating when you try so hard and things still don’t work out. It’s such a feeling of defeat. So I can see why you would be angry as well.

Sometimes anxiety presents itself in anger. Know that your feelings are valid. You are allowed to feel what you’re feeling. The important thing is that you don’t stay there and reaching out and sharing this here is part of the process of moving out of that place. That takes a lot of strength to do.

Sometimes when people get mad when we try to help, it’s because they don’t know how to accept the help or how to respond. You can only control your actions . The way they respond to the help you offer isn’t a reflection of you as a person nor does it say you are incapable of helping. However, if helping others right now is overwhelming and taking away from your ability to care for yourself, know that it is ok to take a step back and ask for support and help. Hold fast Lyss, we love you!

Hannah Rhodes

1 Like