The story so far

Hello! It’s me again! I was told awhile ago to post my story on the board, I was scared, however I think it’s time I did so (I hope to be in the streams once more again since I love the community, and for everyone whom remembers me I love you dearly)

In October, I was taken to hospital for a suicide attempt, due to many reasons, such as my ED, the voices I hear (schizophrenia diagnoses had been changed to ‘unusual experiences’), and more underlining problems. This lead to me being placed into a psychiatric unit.

It was hard, my boyfriend and I had a few minor arguments…due to me lying to him, which caused him to become angry, however, I learned something when he spoke to me; I learned that I needed to stop certain things that I was doing, and I really found a purpose in life. As of now he plays a game with me, and it started with me coming out of hospital, and him helping me through my struggles, and seeing how far I could go without relapsing (I went 4 weeks and he got me a teddy)

I digaress, I was in the unit for 2 months or so, and it was HARD. It was hard not to be triggered by others, to accept help from the nurses I did and didn’t like. I will not lie to you, I had to help myself, as all I was receiving we’re meeting, medication as well as small 30 minute sessions explaining why I had these problems, it didn’t help.

While I was in there, I was introduced to MDMA and shrooms, MDMA being the drug that it is, from what I know it drains the serotonin from your brain, thus I was depressed.

I was controlled by one of the voices (now recently a personality) known as Elive to punch a wall 317 times exactly, I broke 4 of my fingers to which now I can not write properly on paper (my drawing is done with my left hand happily).

Soon, I began to change myself, not just for me, for my boyfriend and my dad and my twin sister (I don’t have the best relationship ship with my mother, that explains my homeless story but that’s for a different topic). I found it hard, and it’s only early days, and yes if you’re recovering from self harm or drug addictions, people will criticise you for you only recently making this choise.

Nevertheless, I was recently discharged, and I am a day patient.

My struggle however comes here, my eating is bad, thus I am very low in mood, which makes it hard not to relapse in self harm. Some kind words would be nice, and if anyone needs a kind word I am always here.

Much love
-Omi

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Omi,

Your story is inspiring, because it speaks to an inner strength. You have endured hardships that can break someone, and yet here you are: still putting one foot in front of the other. You have love and support in your life, so if you are tired ask them for strength, for they will give it to you. As for not eating well, that is a step you will have to take in the future, you have already recognized this. If you need to turn your focus away so that you may build your strength, do not feel ashamed: you have shown yourself to be strong, you are loved, and more than anything you are not alone. So as you take that next step, be it forward or backwards, remember these things. Their light is more blinding than the darkness could ever be.

I hope this helps,
Kyler

I hope only good things your way