So my wife not long ago asked me for a separation. Her reasons were valid as I had been ignoring my mental health issues for a long time and became quite good at avoidance. I had been sexually abused by non-family members, both men and women, growing up. My mother was raped, which put her in a depression spiral, and my father went to prison several times for drug charges. I would say that those who were supposed to be there for me were not and that hurts me to this day as an adult. The relationship with my wife and I started fantastic as we were absolutely in love, but when we got married something in me changed. I had started feeling an immense pressure to perform in my role as a husband, but I constantly felt as though I was never good enough (I still struggle with this). I have never loved anyone so deeply and trusted someone so much, but now as I struggle to fight back tears am feeling alone and much like I had completed my own self-sabotaged relationship with a great woman. I’ve been diagnosed with major depression w/ anxiety and ptsd. I moved in with an old musician friend of mine, but it still feels unfamiliar and I feel cast out. I feel totally alone in what I’m going through and I just want her back. I want things to be different, and she has entertained the idea of us eventually getting back together, but things would have to be better than ever. Has anyone else been through any similar issues that I’m going through? If so, how did you navigate this? I feel lost.
@Innerlewd Thank for sharing your story. I am so sorry you are going through this separation. Not having your best friend, your spouse, there during these times has to be painful. It breaks my heart to know you are going through this. The fact that you are reaching out is wonderful though and a testament to your strength of spirit.
As someone who is married and dealing with very severe depression and anxiety, on top of awful daily pain, I can attest that it takes a major toll on my wife. We have gone to therapy together many times which ultimately led to the realization that my depression and anxiety were the main issues. I say all of that because I can understand where you are coming from and how it affects those we love.
Also, I too feel pressure to be good enough every day as a husband. It’s a big struggle. The only things that help are having open communication, praying daily together, and working on the painful areas of my depression and anxiety. Sometimes it’s easier to avoid. I get it.
I wish I could give you some great advice but honestly I want you to be able to get the help you need. It sounds like your wife would like to see you feel better and more healthy. That’s no easy task, especially when you are trying to just deal with the relationship.
All I can say is that I understand where you are coming from. Please try to get some help and find some hope in this. Do you have a therapist or pastor or family member or friend you can share some of this with? They might help you to find a good path to healing.
Just know you are valued and you are loved. I hope things get better my friend. Please take care of yourself!