So I’ve decided that I needed to get my dad out of my life because it’s toxic for me. Ever since it has spiraled out of proportion. He keeps stopping by the house several times a day and messages me either something to try to make me feel guilty or to use something to try to gain control like money. I’ve tried to avoid him because I know it’s gonna end in a fiasco if I talk to him about it because he won’t just sit down a listen he’s gotta yell, cry, and guilt trip me and I don’t have time for it and I just don’t know what to do at this point because now he’s stopped by my workplace twice and I don’t need him to make a scene there but I don’t wanna have to face him either. My hands are tied at this point and I’m not sure what the right course for me to take in this situation
Man, that’s hard.
I can SO relate to this. I have a really unhealthy relationship with my mother. For years I dealt with her spamming messages and voice calls. She filled my entire voice mailbox once back in 2009 full of long rants and hate. She feels she’s entitled to money and has expressed the world owes things to her. She’d shoplift and claim she deserved it for what she’s gone through. And once even gave the police MY last name when they asked her who she was.
There was another time she sent the police to my door for a “well fare” check because I wouldn’t talk to her and she was trying to force herself into my life. I had to tell the police not to accept any reports from her and not to give her any info about me. I was an adult so, I didn’t owe her my private life with being so toxic as she was.
I spent a lot of years trying to learn to accept that I did not have to have a relationship with her. I guilted so often because she was my mother and so I felt like I was obligated to her.
But when she talks to me I fall into such a dark and unhealthy place.
If your dad is serving as someone who is toxic and unhealthy for you do not be afraid to cut him out. And don’t be afraid to work towards a restraining order or a no contact order to help keep him away. Even if it’s temporary.
I’m so sorry you are battling with it. I know this stress all to well and the toll it can take on your life. Especially if he’s going to your work place! Oh my gosh.
Fortunately I live in another state so my mother can’t find me. But she often stalks me on the internet. I have had to block her repeatedly and keep a lot of stuff private.
If you ever need a friend, I’m only a message away. I can’t solve your struggle but I can listen.
I will be a little slow as I’m out of town for a month but I will get back to you as soon as I can!
So much love you
- Kitty
I relate to you as well, I have a very unhealthy relationship with my mom that’s very toxic but unfortunately I have to live with her because its difficult for me to move out on my own because rents and cost of living is too high. All you can do is minimize your contact with him. I have a lot of relatives that are very toxic and I completely shun them because they are no good for me and they will only bring me down. I hope you can resolve your situation so you can lead a very healthy and productive life.