Two years ago today my grandmother passed away. She had a fast acting cancer and it had spread too much before even being discovered.
The frustrating thing that still angers me to this day is my grandmother went to the doctors so much. How did they not find it before. How?
A week after thanksgiving we found out she had the cancer- in a week she was in hospice… she made it to her birthday which was two days ago, and she passed two years ago today.
When she passed I remember they put her in one of her new night gowns that my mom had gotten her for Christmas, which she didn’t make it to. I remember my mother having to return some Christmas gifts she had gotten for my grandmother because she passed just two weeks before Christmas.
I remember planning to bake her cookies for Christmas.
I remember a lot of that time.
Now winter is the worst season for me.
I miss her. I know the way it worked out it was in the way God swe it needed to be.
She was there to help when my dad almost died and my dad was there for when she did pass.
We got to spend the last four years of her life with her which should be enough of a blessing.
I just feel so guilty for all the times that I got mad at her because of how she was, or just trying to follow the thought processes of my parents.
That day I woke up at 2:03 am to my mom telling me my grandma had passed. I shed a single tear. I went back to sleep. I still went to school that day. I remember everything from that day.
I remember singing to my grandmothers ashes back when I wasn’t comfortable singing at all. I remember talking to her hoping maybe she was there listening.
I remember so much.
Every year it’s harder and harder.
I just miss her so much. I miss her silly dances and her silly singing, all of her flaws and perfections.
I know grieving takes time but I guess that’s just what this post is for.
Currently my grandfather has late stage Alzheimer’s and resides in a hospital which is set up kind of like an apartment. Idk how to explain it. I try to spend as much time as I can with him but I know it’s not enough.
My other grandma is missing half a lung from cancer and is currently in remission. It’s pretty evident my other grandfather has lung cancer.
Winter, just sucks.