Hey everyone! I was a little unsure about posting on here but I thought I may as well to try and get some feedback or help for this problem I’m having. This situation is pretty unique and is kind of long so I’m sorry if it gets too tiring to read. I’ve been friends with somebody since I was about 10 (I’m almost 21 now) and about 3 years ago I moved into his family’s house as his roommate while I attend college. Everything was going great and then the typical girlfriend situation came up. I found a girlfriend and then immediately after he suddenly found a girlfriend on a dating app. I’m happy for him and want him to succeed, but it’s made our friendship dissipate quickly. Now we hardly talk or hang out and when we do, it’s like he’s constantly trying to tell me how much he’s doing with his girlfriend, almost nonstop. He’s changed into a completely different person and it’s not a good change at all. With this situation in mind, it’s now started a whole new situation. I introduced this friend to one of my other friends from my hometown before I came to college. Well now that I’m trying to phase my roommate out of my life (I’m trying to find a different living situation), he’s getting super close with my other friend. I know, this sounds like a crappy drama show plot but it’s starting to bug me. Do I just let both of them go? I really am starting to feel alone and, I hate to say this, but also very angry towards both of them. It’s getting to the point of me biting my tongue to keep from saying anything and that’s wearing me out. If anyone can offer some help or advice I’d be very grateful. Thank you.
My dear unique friend…
Our hearts are a wonderfully strange contraption. The space inside grows. More the merrier. If your friends are growing closer to each other, celebrate. If you feel left out, celebrate. Coz the possibility is that you have out grown them and are ready for the bigger world out there.
Here is a thing about friendship. People befriend those who are friendly. People get attached to those they feel needful of. Be worthy of anyone’s friendship. Be your own best friend. Build yourself up in such a way that it would be hard to resist you. Like yourself. Go fall in love with yourself. Find fabulous things that make you you. Add on to those. Remove things from you that you won’t like in anyone else. Be more. Be the best.
And then you will see, you won’t feel left out ever. You will be surrounded by friends. You will feel happy for their happiness and you will feel fulfilled that you had a hand in their own growing connections.
In my view, what you did was a wonderful thing. You were instrumental in two people becoming the best kind of relationship god ever designed. Friends. When you discover that you will see how fabulous you are and you won’t resent them any more. Instead you would find happiness in everything and everyone…
Hey friend!
First of all, thank you for trusting us with this, it’s really strong of you to be vulnerable about stuff like this. I can really tell that you care about your friends.
Honestly, i’m Going through a similar situation. In fact, very similar. Best friend + new girlfriend = deteriorating friendship, I get it. My best piece of advice is to be gracious to your friends, be available, never give them A reason to be angry with you (props for holding your tongue - i’m not too good at that, so good job!). That said, you need to take stock of your life and evaluate what is most healthy for you. I’ve had to do this as well and, let me tell you from experiance, it is life giving.
If you can properly tend to your sphere of the world, take stock of what is most important, and act upon those things, than that allows you to be a better friend. A friend that is emotionally secure and one who’s happiness is not dependent on anyone’s actions.
I know this sounds difficult, and it is, trust me, but I have been forced to do this in my relationships and I promise you that it will work out in the long run. Be the friend who extends grace, who is always present to be the reliable one, but also be the friend who is so secure in your own life that all your friends revolve around you, you don’t revolve around them.
Set an example, be strong, and take Heart friend - it gets better, I promise.
Hold fast!
Sam.