I don’t know what’s happening
It’s hard to breathe, I can barely make out words, it’s all just noise that I don’t want… I want it to be quiet, but quiet is dangerous.
I’m hurting so much - but I’m so confused. I mean, other than some stuff this morning about how pathetic I am for making such a mess with cuts on my arm and how ugly I am, my parents haven’t really done much to make me feel this way… Usually I can somewhat work out a small plan to make myself feel better… This time it’s different.
I’m so confused. I don’t know what I need to do. All I can do is cry. That’s exactly it though… No one has given me the permission to cry, I don’t ever cry without permission, what’s happening to me? I don’t understand. It all hurts. I’ve never gotten this bad before… To the point that I’m so scared because I don’t remember any of my other methods of coping or ways of keeping myself safe. Not a single one.
What do I do? How do I handle this?? Please help me, I’m scared, all I’m able to do is stare at this blade and cry… What’s wrong with me??