Why is this death different than others?

It appears Kyle Pavone’s death had affected me a lot more than I thought it would. When two people I had knew for most of/all of my life had died back in march. I did not even cry about their deaths. Despite the fact I grew up with one of them who died suddenly at 17. We were 3 years apart and our dads were good friends and our older siblings are only a couple months apart. I was numb about their sudden deaths. It was like my brain didn’t know how to act. I wouldn’t have been able to produce tears even if I tried. And this was two people I knew personally. It’s like my mind just didn’t care that they died.
When Tom died two years ago, I didn’t cry or anything like that despite I listened to a lot more architects before his death than We Came As Romans. However I just heard a song by WCAR and just started bawling. I didn’t know either of them personally and neither of them even knew I existed. So, there’s nothing special there. Just two musicians I listened to.
I figured that I would be fairly unaffected by kyle’s death but it seems like my mind decided his death was important to me. Its like my body had discovered how to cry and is bringing the waterworks out. I swear his death affected me more than every other death I experienced within the last five years where I was just numb and able to go about my day without thinking or reacting to their deaths. His death is different I have cried a few times since Saturday and I wasn’t even really a fan of WCAR. I figured I would just be numb for a few hours or just shrug his death off like what happened with every other death over the last five years but it feels like I can’t go an hour without feeling like I am going to cry, vomit or have chest pains. I feel like I need someone to hold me, wipe my nose and eyes, and hold a bucket near my mouth because he’s gone and I don’t have anyone to do that for me. Well, at least anyone who even knows who We Came As Romans even is let alone Kyle. And not question why I am crying over someone I didn’t even know. Its been four days since his death was announced and I am still dealing with this. Its the longest I have ever cried because of a death since my grandmother died almost eight years ago and its over someone who didn’t even know I existed.

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Hey Martian,

I totally know how you feel.

When my grandma passed I didn’t really cry- I wasn’t as effected as I still am by Kyle’s death.

I am honestly still in shock. I think that is a big factor into why I personally am still so emotional about his death- I never saw it coming. I hadn’t listened to their ,music for a bit- but in 9th grade it was my life. I loved their Punk goes Pop covers and music videos- I was fangirl obsessed with them for a while.

I took a break though- found some other bands to listen to.

And then the news hit of Kyle’s passing. I was in shock.

Even when Chester Bennington died I didn’t really cry- and I listened to them all through my childhood.

I think Kyle’s death has hit a lot of people hard.

Just know you aren’t alone in this- I wish I could answer your question but I don’t have the answer and I don’t believe anyone does.

We all need time to grieve so just know it’s ok to grieve.

Hold fast.

With love,
Lyss (ur old pal Blurryface)

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Thank you Lyss. I was doing better till someone brought up death elsewhere. Which sent me back to thinking about Kyle’s death. He was only 28 years old. He was a brother, a son, a bandmate, a friend. How can he be gone? Since when is 14 years old considered middle aged for some people? I just want someone to hug me. Why do some people seem to live for basically forever and then others don’t even make it to thirty? Can people just stop dying this year? I had a bunch of deaths right at the beginning of the year, then those two mentioned in March and now Kyle’s death. I am sick of it. I am sick of grieving. I just want 2018 to be over and maybe 2019 will bring less death in my days than this year has brought. But, I know that probably won’t be true because death is life greatest misconstrued and likes ripping love ones out of your arms even when it’s way before their time to go and they still had years ahead of them.

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