I think it’s super awesome that I found Heart Support via Kitboga-- I suffer from Anxiety/Depression/C-PTSD (as a result of an abusive upbringing and then continuing the abuse with the relationship with my ex husband who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder) I also have had more than one suicide attempt in the past. Tons and tooons of therapy later I’m doing better and I’m about 1yr without self harm! I struggle feeling like I’m not good enough, I don’t matter, and everyone would be better off without me. I’ve been struggling lately but I’m trying really hard. Not only for me, but for my kiddo who just turned 6. Trying to learn that I’m actually worthwhile.
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Hey Granola, welcome to the HS family! I’m sorry with what you’re going through. This community wants you to know that you are LOVED here, you ARE GOOD ENOUGH for us here, you DO MATTER, and we want you to get better! I want you to get better. You can always count on this community if you need someone to talk to!
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As long as you make an effort and try to be a better person its all that matters, you are loved and so is your child. Be better so you can be for your child. I wish you the best.
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First off, it’s so awesome that Kitboga introduced HS to you. This is truly a family, and we welcome you with open arms. I keep noticing a constant idea a lot of people have here. They have this idea that everyone will be better off without them. First and foremost, your kiddo needs you the most. Totally not trying to make you feel bad, but now you have another life to think about. I have 2 kids myself, and whenever I start feeling low, thinking of their well being snaps me out of it. It doesn’t mean I don’t get depressed still, but I ask that you please try to let that idea go, mostly for your little one. Also, and you totally don’t have to answer, but is your ex the father of your child. I only ask this because obviously if he is, this means he will always be a part of you and your child’s lives. I think it may help to go and get counseling as a family if this is the case. Especially if he was abusive to you, I wouldn’t want that to carry on over to your kiddo. Although, I understand he may not even be willing to do that. I apologize if that comes off as trying to give professional advice. I’m just keeping the most important thing in mind which is your family (you and your son). I am quickly seeing that my kids are so quick to want to be like me. So I have to realize that I’m not perfect either, and should change some bad habits fast. I hope this makes sense, and my advice helps you in the future. I apologize if it was a bit tough, but sometimes we need that. So glad you opened up, and allowed us to respond. Much love to you, and again, welcome to Heart Support.
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Welcome to Heartsupport community.
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Thank you for the kind words. I definitely am working hard on improving my mindset when I struggle. I think the C-PTSD takes hold which makes it a bit harder. But my fiance has been utterly amazing and supportive and helps me through those rough patches. To answer your question, my ex is the father of my son. I’m currently in therapy and try my best to co-parent but in his NPD mind it’s all a game about “Winning or losing”. And he has to win. I always put my son first and try to help steer him toward that as well, but there are times it’s obvious he won’t budge because if I suggest it, he loses. It’s so frustrating.
I make sure to talk with my son about feelings and what’s okay because I want to teach him the importance of not bottling things up and that it’s okay–it’s so unfortunate that boys are taught to conceal emotions 
Again, thank you so much. I’m grateful to have found this <3
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