I talk alot on here about my health. You guys are probably sick of hearing about it.
As I am typing this, I am waiting in the admissions office to get another hospital, to get more test run. This morning, it’s my gallbladder. Later this afternoon, biopsy of my cervics.
You would think I would be use to all the poking and prodding by now. But I still get nervous.
My tolerance for pain is very low, and I’m a screamer. It’s pretty embarrassing, to be honest. My last knee surgery, the pain made me scream nonstop. Then injecting the nerve blocks made me scream. They had to give me three nerve blocks before I could get any relief.
There was also the spinal tap I had to have. They injected me with something to numb the injection site. But I could feel everything. I screamed, cried, panicked the whole time. I think I scared one of the poor nurses to death.
So, there is always the fear that I’m going to be in more pain than I already am and embarrass myself somehow.
Even today, I had to ask who I needed to talk to about me being a “fall hazard”. A 24 year old should not be a fall hazard. The last thing I need today is to start stumbling around like a drunk person and run into a wall, or fall on my ass in front of everyone. It’s kind of pathetic. The fibromyalgia makes me hurt the longer I’m on my feet, then I start getting dizzy and nauseous, then I get confused. So, guess who is getting a wheelchair to be wheeled to radiology. I walked all the way to admissions, I don’t think I could have walked any further.
I just hate feeling this way. This is a complete 180 on how I envisioned my life going. And I haven’t accepted that yet.
hey friend, you’re definitely not boring or pathetic talking about your health. illness comes with highs and (a lot of) lows and one of the hardest things to do is to accept out condition. it’s easy to feel uneasy and out of place when no one else is going through the same stuff you’re into and it’s even harder to think that there would be someone looking at us like we were normal.
pain is pain. there is people who cant stand it and it’s completely fine to be one of them. i can only imagine how painful those surgeries can be, but you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or dumb (because you’re not).
acceptance is a long process.
keep us updated and don’t forget i’m proud of you for being this strong. however, don’t overdo it. i used not to listen to the doctors and ended up realising how much better is to being carried to the room rather than walk my way there.
Update:
Found out I’m going to have gallbladder surgery. Going on the 14th to talk to a surgeon.