I’m really sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. I have experienced a complete breakdown a couple of years ago, following the passing of my brother, so my heart goes out to you. It feels miserable to be in this position, to contemplate your life as if everything you’ve built so far and focused on would have been pointless, or not as essential as it seemed at first. Being in this position is lonely, and not everyone experiences what one would call a “dark night of the soul”, but I guess this is my humble attempt to let you know that you are definitely not alone where you are now.
Starting “The book of James - Whispers from the mind” shows the depth of your struggle. Writing down those thoughts and feelings is like shining a light into the darkest corners of your mind, trying to understand and confront the shadows that loom there. That line, “I woke up one morning to find I was in the fight for my life. I can look my enemy in the eye, whenever I stand in front of a mirror,”really says it all, and how conflicting it can be to feel as if you’re your very own enemy. It’s like facing a relentless opponent who knows all your weaknesses and fears because that person is you.
Life going dark ever since feels like being stuck in an endless night, where hope and light are hard to find. It’s like being trapped in a storm with no clear direction out, and every step feels uncertain and heavy. The darkness can be overwhelming, making it hard to see a way forward. It’s understand to feel lost, my friend, when it feels like everything has become foggy around you. When we collapse, even the idea of getting back on our feet feels scary, for there is a risk of falling down again afterwards.
It might not feel like it right now, though these seasons of life can be profoundly transformative in the long run and revel in you strengths that you didn’t imagine could be there before. When I was where you are, I tried to end it all, but I’m thankful today to be here and being able to look back, seeing all the steps that were taken since then. While you’re in this middle that seems to have no clear direction, it’s important and okay to welcome people by your side, could it be trusted friends, family members or even a therapist, support group or counselor. To me, having this initial breakdown that led me to lose my job and cut off most of my relationships, felt like a total annihilation at first. There’s been many nights of ugly tears. Over time though, destruction has paved the way for new chapters, and re-learning ways to build my life in a stable way this time. somehow, when we break down, it’s a way for our mind to indicate us that something isn’t functioning and needs our attention. That there areas of our heart that we might have pushed away for too long, and it’s time to take care of it.
It takes time, exploration, curiosity, errors and failures too, but as long as you remain compassionate and patient with yourself, you can absolutely get through this dark season. This is a transition to something else, something different - you are not meant to be stuck in it, my friend. 
Hold Fast. I believe in you.
-Marie-Anne