Hey everyone. After breaking yesterday I’m now back to being clean. I’m 13 hours and I hope to keep going. Thank you guys for all your support when I had just relapsed.
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I’m glad you’re feeling better! Don’t hesitate to ask for support when you need it. I’d like you to feel supported even when it doesn’t involve relapse.
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I will thank you for helping me when I need it.
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Hey there @Paladine
I am super glad you are clean! Just reach out if you ever need anything.
Love you and hold fast,
Andrea / Zephirah
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I’m a day clean. Thank you everyone for helping through that relapse.
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Hey buddy, we’re all here for you whenever you need us.
Did you try the jar with positive things or anything? I think when you’re in the right mindset, it’d be a great thing to do. We could help you if you like?
Have you spoken with your friends? I’m glad you’re feeling better now
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I haven’t tried it yet but I will soon. I have spoken with my friends and they supported me like you said they would.
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I’m not clean again. I’m sorry. I don’t know why but I can’t not hurt myself. I’m trying really hard but I’m still hurting myself. I’m sorry. I’m sorry sorry sorry sorry
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Hey Paladin, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize, friend. The days that follow a relapse are particularly difficult as we feel more vulnerable and we have to deal with a spiral of emotions made of guilt and shame. You’ll get back on your feet.
I see that you’ve started to read ReWrite - which is awesome! However, I’d like to encourage you to go slowly. Sometimes after a relapse we’re super motivated but we can also end up putting a bit too much pressure on our shoulders. If you can, keep trying to get back on your feet, but focus on your life as well during the next couple days. Don’t overwhelm yourself with talks and readings about self-harm immediately. You need also to breathe and balance your daily life between recovery and life itself. Burn-out and stress induced by healing itself have to be taken in account. 
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I already read to chapter 7. I just typing up the things. Also I feeling good and then suddenly I hurt myself. In front of people and no one noticed. It’s almost like I didn’t even exist when I was hurting myself. I’m still hurting myself. I’m trying to drop but I’m not doing well.
Alright. Then it might be good to try to slow down from now on and find an alternative. If you’ve already hurt yourself, then you had enough - even if it doesn’t feel like it. <3
Is there something you could put in your hands instead, just to keep your hands busy in a non-hurtful way? Something to squeeze, something to draw, anything safe?
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Reading slow is hard but I’ll try. I’m trying to do an essay for US Government but I can’t focus on it at the moment. I don’t have a choice but to do though. I’m tyring to stay safe but I’m in the whole I deserve this and that I need to punish myself.
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Well, better trying to focus on this essay, as much as possible. If you need (and can), try to get up and just walk a little bit. Stretch a little your body. Get some fresh air at a door or a window. Put some fresh water on your face.
Also, I want to quote the words of someone really wise who’ve shared this recently while being in an urge to hurt themselves:
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Thank you. I should probably do that again. I’m going to try and do it again and hope it helps.
I don’t deserve to be punished. I didn’t do anything that can’t be fixed. I’m not a worthless piece of shit. I’m a good person and people care about me because I’m good and a human being that’s deserving of love and care. I deserve to be okay. I don’t deserve pain. I deserve the love and care from everyone.
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I’m proud of you. Rest assured that you have all of our love right here. No matter what!
Don’t hesitate to read it aloud if necessary. <3
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Also these statements couldn’t be more true!!
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I’m probably will in a bit when I’m done with essay. Actually I’ll probably write more and just put them on here to clam me down. Thank you for reminding me of it.
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You got this. I believe in you 10000%. Without any pressure or expectation. Just as you are. You’re strong, friend.
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Hey Paladin!!
I am so incredibly proud of you, especially for taking a step back to give yourself those positive affirmations. They were absolutely beautiful, and couldn’t be more true!!!
One day at a time. You’ve got this!
- EsRivs
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