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15 hours left

I’m sorry. But it doesn’t matter. I never can do anything right anyways. I keep making mistakes on the place where you don’t make mistakes. No one actually enjoys my presence. They just say it because it is nice. Why would anyone want to be around me? I’m so sick of life. But 15 hours shouldn’t be too bad. The next parts will be nice. What can happen in 15 hours? Yeah, it will surely be great… I’m so fed up with everything. And I guess I could take it out on the world now. Or be kind or not to anyone, because, I won’t have a chance to do it tomorrow. Because 15 hours is all I have. It feels too long. I wish I could just do it now. But you guys are nice enough that I feel obligated to make one more post. Sorry I didn’t respond to my last posts. I never change. I’m so weak. I’m so worthless. That’s too bad. Maybe I will this time. Or hopefully no one will respond in the next 15 hours. That would be nice too. Also, I’m only putting this post as support, because you’ll change it to support anyways, because everything I say and do is a problem. But I guess I can say and do at least one thing nice in my life so… Happy Birthday Brother. I’m glad you’re 17. And I’m glad I’ll never be 14. I feel so selfish.

Maybe if you just beat me up about everything for the next 15 hours, I wouldn’t be as scared. Because, if it has nothing to do with my parents, or brother, I enjoy when someone is hurting me physically. I enjoy when someone is hurting me emotionally. I like when someone tries to hurt me because of who I am and how I feel about life. Because it makes me feel better. And if you dislike me feeling that way, thank you. I’m not the type of person who picks fights with people, because I get in trouble, but it someone wants to throw some drama at me, let is come, throw it at me. Because it makes me happier. I’m so backwards. That’s pretty funny. Not really actually though. To me it is though. Not to you. I’m just different. And not in a good way.

Can you please hope and pray for me tonight that it will get better. And not in the better state as in I lose the problem I don’t have. More like in the state in where I succeed. Success in dying. :mango:

How’s your day going?

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hey swix,

i hope you remember me from a post you made last week, with us being username twins and all. i believed it then and i believe it now: you matter. i know i’m coming to this post late with only 5 hours left but i truly hope you can take the time to read my words, feel the time and love i am sending your way to make you understand that your life does have value and how we all need you to stick around.

especially since you’re not even 14 yet, i promise you that things will not be the same as it is now for long. you will find people to be in your life that actually enjoy your presence. when i was your age, i felt the same exact way. and now years later, i was able to stick around and find the friends and family members that value me as much as i value them. i know you’re upset now, it’s understandable! but the temptation of suicide, something you can never take back, will never outweigh the excitement and mysteries of your future. it will never outweigh the joy you feel when seeing your favorite animal, band, tv show, video game etc… it will never outweigh a warm hug, laughing so hard with friends that you fall over, watching your brother graduate. there are so many things ahead for you that i need you to experience. i need you to stick around, be in this world still and help make it a better place, one that you would have liked to be in when you were 13.

so please. from twix to swix, i’m sitting here in texas, staring at my screen, hoping with everything that i have that you’ll give life another shot at the end of these 15 hours. that i’ll be able to hear back from you, and possibly know that you’re okay. i hope you can contact a crisis line and/or reach out to someone you trust about what you’re going through. you are not alone in what you’re feeling, the pain you’re experiencing. but please don’t let this be the end. you are loved, you are valued, and you are so crucial to this future we’re all striving to make better. looking forward to hearing back from you, swix.

love,
your friend, twix

Hi Swix, I am so incredibly saddened reading this post but pleased there is still time to tell you that you are loved and please call that crisis line that @twixremix mentions, there is always hope for you out there and It is never too late.
I do understand the want to give up, we have not lived the same life and we are not the same people but I like many others have also wanted to give up, to end our lives at one time or another. I have been in that dark helpless place where you see no future. But there is one Swix, there is a future however that is and however that shows itself it is there and it will be brighter than it is now. Please ask for help and take it.
We all love and support you. Turn those last hours into hours of searching for help.
Stay with us and let us know how you are please.
Much Love
Lisa :heart:

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hey @Swix ,

how are you doing today? sending love and comfort your way and can’t wait to hear back from you :blue_heart:

Okay, here’s some drama as requested.
Sometimes, our brains lie to us. Soemtimes we are locked in a small tiny room, and staring at the rain that never stops. We feel trapped in this house and can’t go out, because what’s the point? Look how bad it is out there!

But then you talk to someone. Someone who used to live in that same house, and who knows all the secrets. Someone who was maybe just like you. And they laugh and say, “Oh, i guess no one told you about the hose!?!?”

Because that endless rain? Yeah, it’s actually a hose that’s on outside that room.
And if you’re brave enough to walk outside, if you take the time to talk to someone who’s been there and you listen to their advice,
Then you can see the hose, and realise that things were not as you thought. You’re trying to escape that room right now, but you aren’t using the best tools right now.

I’m so sorry that you’ve felt so much pain and anguish in all your years so far. But I can tell you that things can get better, that there can be great moments of joy and peace ahead you. But you have to trust us when we say that some of us are still inside the room, some of us are outside, but many of us have learnt the difference between the endless rain and the runaway hose THAT CAN BE TURNED OFF.

There can be relief. You’re worth the effort. We won’t abuse you emotionally here.

Do you also wanna hear another secret?
When we’re sad, we don’t like to hear positive stuff. We resist it. We ask others to make us feel bad because that’s all we are used to, all we are comfortable with.

You’re here, talking to us, trusting us. There is a part of your brain that still has hope. Hold on to that, trust yourself, trust us, things get better, there is the potential for the next 14 years to be much better. Let us help you with the tools and tips and strategies we know.

You’re loved, and you’re worthy.

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We care about you, @Swix.

For a while you’ve been reaching out without reaching out. I want to believe though, that being here means something. That you feel safe here. That you feel understood, even if it invalidates this wall you tend to put between you and us.

We’re here. We understand. We want to see you having the life you deserve. We’re ready to help you through this journey, through your own healing. Trust is hard to give. And you have no objective reason to trust a bunch of strangers like us. But, I hope you will see that we’re not moving. We’re not giving up on you. And that this constant love given to you will make you feel safe enough one day to discuss without these inner walls. They are not necessary here. You are among friends. And if love hurts right now, then we can learn to make that process easier, together.

I don’t want you to disappear. Your family don’t want that either.
You belong. There are better things ahead to experiment, feel, and live.

Please. Reach out to a crisis line. We are here to support you in taking healthy steps. But we cannot replace these resources either.

You are loved truly. :hrtlegolove:

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hey @Swix , how are you? you’ve been in my thoughts this past week and would love to hear back from you even if it’s just a simple “im okay.” let us all know if you need anything at all, we’re here for you always.

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