+18 whenever I feel kinky i feel like Gods sending signs to stop me

[v4ventetta]

I have struggled with sexual desire since i was a teenager. I have OCD too which makes me feel like doing sexual stuff is sin. Lately I have been finally getting myself comfortable doing sexual stuff but recently i noticed a series of “coincidences” happening everytime i want to do sexual stuff and im not sure if its God telling me to stop or if its a bad spirit or just coincidences. Either it is driving crazy not doing “stuff” i want to do and i get angry and frustrated and fed up.

At first i thought it was God sending signs to stop me but then i remembered that i have a belief a bad spirit is attacking me because when i try to do any advancements in my life weird bad coincidences stop me. im really confused and frustrated by all this. Like I see my sex drive as curse because the only “moral” thing to use it on is marriage and im no way near ready for that so what am i supposed to do when i feel kinky just ignore it until it drives me insane and thats all i can think about.

[Sita]

religious beliefs and sexual acts will always be a sensitive subject, no matter what religion or faith you belong to, because it pits the individual urges and thoughts/desires against a doctrine or acceptable practice. As with all decisions, the best we can do is to make the best decisions right now with what we have on hand (our resources, our own mental and emotional states, our support system, etc). Once we make the best informed decision we can right now, in this moment, then we have to remind our future self to be kind to those decisions because we literally did the best we could to get through this moment.

there is a range of responses I could give (from saying something like distract yourself, taking cold showers and leaving the room and going outside), to (have fun discovering yourself and what makes you happy and being safe and responsible while you do so. either alone or with someone else).
We also tend to look for information to confirm what we already believe. If we think we’re doing something wrong and something “bad” we Will see evidence of it because we are more likely to believe things are indeed correlated evidences.

Not sure if this will help you, or where you are in your beliefs. But having human urges does not make you weak or bad. Wanting to act on those does not make you weak or bad. This is a great opportunity for you to figure out what works best for you right now to help you get through this moment.

Thank you for trusting us with these thoughts. We’re here for you, and always remember that you matter, just for being you

[anon14688970]

Please please don’t beat yourself up! It’s painful to see yourself stuck in a cage of all that stress. Having sexual urges is not sinful or bad. No matter what a religion wants to say, it’s a natural born instinct we all have and we can’t just keep it away from ourselves just because a religion tells you “it’s sinful”. I’ll also warn ya this: when you try to keep yourself from doing something that needs to be done, the more you’re going to want to do it. And with religious folk, they tend to block out the thoughts so much that they fear themselves and start lashing out at others in that fear. They hurt and degrade themselves by saying how horrible they are for being a human, that’s just not healthy my friend. And eventually from what I’ve seen with the types that push it away and don’t just accept that it’s a part of life: When they finally do it, they become sexual addicts who have no control and then blame it on others when they finally break the law. And that’s because they’ve been pushed to their limit. They’re tired, and angry. If you let yourself be for a bit, and don’t think about the concept of being a horrible person for being a person (because sexuality is just nature, and a god would know that more than anything, you know ',:l), and don’t get obsessively paranoid and beleive you’re seeing signs that you think is judging you, then maybe you can understand it’s not the “absolute worst thing in the world” that your fear is telling you it is. Because if you think you’re going to see a “sign” your brain will find reason to look for one. Fight that ocd! No one is going to hurt you for being you! Accept yourself, then maybe you will see there’s nothing to fear, and if you listen to the call every once in a while you will see there’s not that much of a need for it, and it’s actually not as scary or important to you, or sinful as you think it is. Let your interest be piqued with peace in mind, and perhaps you will be bored of it.

The more you fear a god the less you will enjoy living. Fearing a god or a punishment for living your life how you will is more of abuse than anything, I mean do you really think a god who created you, who then also created sexual acts, beleives it’s sinful? That’s more so a religious construct, god doesn’t care and you have nothing to fear. Wasn’t the like, very first story in the Bible Adam and Eve (I hope I got your religion right if I didn’t sorry!!!) about not being afraid of nakedness and sexual acts for the sake of creating life, and the only thing he cared about was humans becoming smarter than him? There’s your answer right there. Marriage only matters to religious constructs, if you choose to follow to religious constructs of soley human control rather than just your god then… Well, you’re going to get hurt because it defies the logic of basic human needs and natures itself. The less you put your needs off the more you will feel the urges and need for it because it’s being kept from you and you won’t be at peace until you have it. It’s better to just accept as part of yourself, because there is nothing wrong with you other than the voices of those around you who are hurting you like this.

You feel terribly afraid and scared because people are burning into your skull the idea that “sex is bad” and “sex is disgusting and sinful” and “sex is kinky” (don’t say that word if you don’t want someone to think you’re into the, ahem, deeper stuff) when really it’s just part of life. All you really need is to know:

1. You shouldn’t do the actual act until you’re a mature adult.
2. You should be capable of understanding the basics of protecting yourself from STD’s or accidently having a kid.
3. You should know how care for a life when the time comes or accidently happens.
4. And I shouldn’t have to fecking say this but you know how the world is. Don’t do shit to people unconsenually or who arent fecking old enough.

Also you certainly don’t have to like it, I forgot to mention that. Not liking it vs thinking it’s sinful is 2 different things, just in case that’s what you meant. Like, I don’t like sexual stuff myself but, that doesn’t mean I think it’s sinful, I just don’t like it for the most part. But I’m still aware it’s healthy for you, not essential to staying alive but it’s healthy for stress and love and relaxation. But is it bad? No. Is it sinful? Wtf even is sinful at that point, the only sins that exist are those who break the law so don’t beat yourself up, you’re not hurting anyone but yourself right now.

When I used to be in church, it was burned into my brain the idea that it was bad and gross and sinful. I was asked questions by my parents if I was well, to put it censoredly “doing things to myself” and that it was bad and sinful and unhealthy. Mind you saying this to a person growing up and trying to understand their body is not healthy in the slightest, you’re only making them more confused and rebellious and you’re defiently not teaching them what it is (I never got the talk). But hey, it scared me as well and when I got older I became weirded out of people that did it because I didn’t actually know wtf it was until I was… Well, when someone hurt me, and even then I still didn’t fully understand it. But aside from that, and the fact I don’t like it or have any interest, I still eventually was properly taught about sex and how it is a part of life. I still find it weird for someone to tell me they did it but, at least I know now I have no reason to fear it as long as others know to be in control. Like hey, don’t go out and do it like you have no control over yourself, but just, realize that its a part of you, it’s a part of being human, and accept that it’s okay.

Sooooo. Burning an idea into someone’s head that will irreperablly terrify them for the rest of their life. Does that still sound godly to you? Ask yourself that logically. Have you talked about this with a therapist? It’s sounds a bit traumatizing for you, and I think you should look into learning to cope with concepts of human instincts and be at peace with them, accept them for what they are and when the time comes know how to be in control. And also working out of the ocd paranoia of feeling like you are being judged. You’re not weird or sinful, trust me, there are way worse people out there than you, I see it all the time.

You do not only have control over yourself, but what is healthy and unhealthy, for you

-X

[Micro]

Hey @v4ventetta,

Something that can be challenging to embrace, and that I personally have a hard time to wrap my head around too, is that God loves you regardless of your cracks and doubts. He doesn’t want you to live in fear, and especially not in fear of yourself. He doesn’t want you to live in shame.

When it comes to morals and ethics, you can try to sit down for a little bit and ask yourself a few questions:

• Where does this definition comes from? Is it something you have read in religious texts? Is it something that someone taught you? Is it from the society in general (an unsaid standard)? Is it directly from God?

Once you have identified the source of this good/bad definition, you can ask:

• What kind of authority this person has in my life? Does they deserve that credit?

On a more practical level, you could also try to determine if:

• Is what I do hurting anyone? Is it hurting others? Is it hurting me?

OCD doesn’t have to take control over your way to live all the time. Although it might require for you to really practice the deconstruction of your automatic thoughts like this. Journaling and writing it all down can be part of that process too.

Unless your sex drive was directed in an inappropriate way - one that could potentially harm others -, then you can be at peace with the fact that it is not a curse per se. It is part of your biology and how you’ve been made. It’s part of what makes you human.

Although if in your definition of morality and in your faith it is essential to preserve yourself for marriage, then composing with your sex drive until then might require some help to navigate it, for example with a support group focused on that. It is absolutely possible to live according to your standards and your faith. It’s also okay if you need help and support to navigate these doubts and needs along the way. Approaching a religious community on that matter could be of a tremendous help, both for you to find the answers you need, and/or the right support too. This is a struggle that a lot of people know and had to find their own answers too. All in all, this is about your personal relationship with God.

You are loved as you are.

[SheetMetalHead]

This is such a hard issue. I remember being a hormone-crazed teenager. Like the others said, that’s biology. In high school I paid lip service to saving myself for marriage, but deep down I never really intended to. Still, it was a conflict: If premarital sex is wrong, and if I’m in control of my actions, is choosing to have sex openly defying God’s will? Being married now, I have the luxury of hindsight to help me what premarital sex did to my emotions and ways of thinking. Yeah, I can see how it damaged me, and I can see how everything the church said about it came true. Honestly though, I’d do it all over again.

The church tells you don’t have sex. They tell you your urges are natural, but that dwelling on those urges is sinful. What they don’t offer is any advice on how to channel those urges, short of getting married at 18 and going wild. A lot of people who sign the purity pledge and fight their sexual urges until marriage wind up damaged because they’ve conditioned themselves to reject their urges, and that’s not just a switch they can flip off on their honeymoon night. Furthermore, blowing off steam with porn can cause issues like impotence and porn addiction–fantasy sex becomes more real than real sex, and a human sex partner isn’t enough. However, there are more people now than there have been in 80 years who are saving themselves for marriage, and they may have formed support groups that can offer good, practical advice on how to remain chaste. An endeavor like saving yourself is something I think would be better with support. I promise it’s not as awkward as you might think it is–they’re all there for the same reason, and they can’t judge you any more than they can judge themselves.

I have a lot of respect for people who want to save themselves. On paper, it’s a healthy thing to do. In my experience, premarital sex clouded my judgment and obscured red flags I should have seen right away, and it led to more disappointment and more heartbreak. Taking sex out of the equation can keep you more pragmatic about the people you date. I also remember being a hormonal adolescent and young adult, feeling like I would explode, and I can’t judge anyone who acts on that. Like the others have said, you need to do what’s right for you. Make sure that neither you nor others get hurt, find support to help you navigate whichever path you choose, and remember that God loves you no matter what.

[v4ventetta]

@Sita

look for information to confirm

im trying but something always comes up to stop me, someone next door enters toilet for an hour just when im going to do it meaning i cant do it or else i will be heard, then computer stops working, or wifi stops working or some other nonsense comes to stop me and what am i supposed to do just live my life getting hornier and madder im just so fed up with this.

[v4ventetta]

I have spoken to therapist and that helped a lot of just doing it and not worrying but lately i have gotten coincidences and now i was scared but. This week for example i was going to do the deed but on the moment i was about to begin someone next door entered the toilet and was there for an hour so i couldnt do it without being heard, then someone else entered the toilet afterwards and then when it was free to do it my cat entered my room and fell asleep so i couldnt do it. And stuff like this happens almost all the time and i get so angry because i just want to do what i want freely but things keep stopping me and i think its something supernatural and im just so fed up of all this stupid cycle im so fed up like even now reading your post and replying i coincidedntally had been interupted 3 times to do things and it feels like a god or something is trying to stop me from getting help but if it is god then why tf is he torturing me im… im so tired it feels like the universe is against me and its not just sex thing is other things too im just so fed up of fighting the universe vbecause thats how it fucking feels like like i am fighting a force bigger than me and im so tired im so fucking tired of everytghing.

[v4ventetta]

i cant go to religious people for help because i dont trust Christianity… everytime i read the bible it makes me more afraid of God, some immoral stuff is in there so i cant really go to christians.

[anon14688970]

I honestly think this has alot more to do with your trauma from religion than sexual fears. You’ve clearly been severely mentally damaged by religion, to the point where you are experiencing a psychosis of “signs”. Getting interrupted lots of times can be pretty normal, so seeing it as a “sign” tells me you are still correlating it to the trauma you’ve experienced from religon. Seeing signs can also be a form of psychosis, my aunt went through it many times, In case that’s how you feel, trauma can cause this. If you haven’t already do you think you could ask your therapist techniques to stop the correlations your mind makes to the trauma when you experience coincidences. And ask if they have any trauma therapy to help you with this. If this ever gets extremely bad for you I’d advise looking into the psychosis thing and finding medications for it and working with the trauma with your therapist. Because it sounds like religion has severely traumatized you, and I defiently don’t blame you.

So, with the brain, it likes to sort things into categories. For example the brain will sort things like real and fake in the categories of fiction and reality. When things like trauma or certain mental illnesess occur, it can boost our fight/flight triggers quite a bit. If left unattended without medications or the right type of therapy, it could cause a bit of psychosis. And in psychosis we will see, hear, or simply notice things that either aren’t there, or aren’t even important, whether that be simple delusions or hallucinations. Our brain will start to see patterns in everyday living occurrences correlating to the trauma, and sort them into the wrong boxes, making us beleive it to be true and that we are in fact in danger. The more the brain observes false patterns in coincidences during triggers, the more it beleives it’s in some sort of danger when really it’s just an innocently annoying coincidence. Creating a stressful loop of paranoia. Things like antipsychotics with therapy are usually used to calm this down.

Another thing, the brain creates the reality you see.
Ex 1: If you feel you’re in danger when you arent, you are giving your brain a reason to distrust and look for signs of something. And the more you agree to that fear the more the brain is going to look for a reason to prove its untrustworthiness.
Ex 2: If you really hate someone and want to find a way to justify your hatred, your brain will find one by spotting every tiny negative aspect of them.
Ex 3: If you feel like you are doing something wrong and disgusting and you’re ashamed and insecure of it, your brain will try to make up more reasons to be insecure by correlating any “coincidences” to reasons, which ends up seeming to real to disbelieve.

So in beleiving, you are also teaching your brain it’s okay to look for and validate false signs. The only reason you may see them as “signs” is because of your insecurities. Your trauma made you severely insecure of expressing some of your needs, your trauma tries to terrify you into thinking it’s bad, to the point where your brain is feeding itself intrusive thoughts and observing patterns in everyday living, scaring you to stop. You’ve been abused by people that tried to ingrain these thoughts into your head since you were a child, so naturally, with any cult brainwashing, you’re at battle with your own mind.

The reason I say psychosis, is because it can be very normal for people to sometimes be, “interrupted”. It happens sometimes and isn’t any reason to take into a paranoid supernatural account. With interruptions, the best advice I can give you is probably schedule it. If it’s always occuring during a time someone else is around then get it done when you know others aren’t going to be around. That’s, what most people do afterall. Idk if your house is really crowded or something but usually you’re supposed to lock the door and make sure no one’s gonna come in or out, and be quiet, otherwise ofc ur gonna be on your toes worried about someone seeing or hearing you. (Also if u don’t have a lock just make a makeshift one). Other than that all I can say is that taking care of your body is important, and if sexual needs are a part of your needs list, then its best to get it done when you can before it gets worse and affects your emotional states.

Please know no one is torturing you. Life can be annoying sometimes, but it’s nothing supernatural, it’s just reality. Life can suck and not go our way sometimes. It’s nothing about any greater power out to get us, it’s just that some days are good and some days are bad. And, that’s just nature. Maybe it would help you to make some daily reality checks when these situations occur, remind yourself those intrusive thoughts you have are purely bred of fear from your trauma, and not any supernatural being. No one’s against you, no one’s fighting you. You’re okay, you’re free. Please beleive me.

I hope the best for you, you are loved.

-X