2018 has been hell

Hey yall! I’m shaking as I’m typing this. I know some of you personally. Some of yall know my story. I have been a volunteer and pretty active in the community for a couple of more years. I love this community and everybody with every inch of my heart and soul!!! I truly, truly mean that. I have had a difficult life. I am not complaining bc that is why I am who I am today. I’ve been abused in every way imaginable, especially sexual. I was raped by my ex husband for years. I was molested once at a friend’s house by her dad at the age of 12. My cousin tried to rape me at 16. I have been sexually shamed my whole life from being teased in middle school and high school for not having “big enough” breasts to being the girl that every guy wants to “fuck”. It hasn’t been easy. I have been called a slut, dirty, a whore by females and males. I have a hard time opening up and communicating especially to people I love bc so many times my feelings or thoughts were pushed aside or called an exaggeration. My own mother had my family thinking I was a complusive liar until the truth finally came out. Still the black sheep though haha. I never knew it was ok to talk about your abuse until heartsupport really. I have been in counseling and on meds for years now for PTSD. I have been to al anon and other groups for support but nothing helped like heartsupport. I have found a family and a home within this community. 2018 has been a hard year. I ended a marriage/10 year relationship with the father of my 3 year old, lost my relationship with my bestfriend bc he was in love with me and has been for years and the feeling weren’t and arent reciprocated. I can barely make ends meet with one income and a toddler so I had to get a third job. Yes i said third and I’m a full time mom. I have lost alot of relationships along the way this year bc of my divorce. Not to mention he verbally, emotionally and mentally harassed me for months bc he doesn’t want to split. I also have a bunch of health issues that have taken a toll on me. Ihave gained some things in 2018. I found myself through all of this. I have more self love, respect, and worth than I have ever had in my life. I may have actually found my twin flame. Some of yall might know about that. I dont even really know why I’m telling yall this. I guess bc I trust my heartsupport family. Maybe a little too much. Idk. Anyway I have made friends through heartsupport all which have made me feel comfortable except for one. And this has made me step back for a couple of months. I was unsure if I even wanted to speak out about it bc it may be all of a misunderstanding but with my past history just triggered me. Idk. What I do know is this person made me feel very uncomfortable in a few ways. He sent me a few inappropriate messages and when I unfriended him got a not so nice message. I felt like wtf. Like this is a heartsupport volunteer. Is this even real? I didnt want to even mention it at first on here but then I have really been thinking about my past and what I have been through and that I have a right to speak out about this here bc even if it could have been a misunderstanding, it made me very uncomfortable and that’s not right. And if it could happen to anyone else I would want someone to be able to speak about it. Thank you for your time. Hold fast and steady yall!!


Hey friend! Hold fast, hope you;re doing well now. Know i got you in my prayers. You are seen, noticed, and loved. You also seem like a very strong person!
I’m so sorry about the negative encounter you had here on heartsupport. But yes please speak out. I would even send a message to Jake Luhrs tbh! Like maybe through Direct message or something. I;m sure there are those ways.
Hold fast friend, praying for you <3

So glad you reached out. So happy you feel safe here. And so bummed that something tainted your safety net. Your daughter is beautiful, and you, in spite of all this, are growing like a rose in concrete. And it feels like some of the work you’re doing is ripping up that concrete around you so you can thrive even more. The more abusive people and negative relationships that you unearth from being around you, the more you are thriving, and even though it’s been really hard and really trying, I am proud of how consistent you have stuck to the belief that you deserve better. YOU DO. Thank you for believing that. Thank you for loving yourself like that, for loving your daughter like that…for fighting for your safety, for your self-love. You deserve it. I am proud of you. I also hope that things can resolve for you in this community so you can continue to use it as a support network through this difficult period of trying to support your daughter and grow in this tumultuous season. Love you friend.

(“A twin flame shares many similarities with a soul mate. A twin flame can also be your soul mate, but to a more extreme level. … Often times, people believe two twin flames are halves that make up one whole, however upon splitting, they become their own soul.”

Clarification most Twin Flames are not Soul Mates. Twin Flames are most likely your best friend or a relative.)

You have gone through a lot. I’m sorry for all the suffering you’ve been through. I, myself, realize a lot of people suffer tremendously in life. I understand about having specific years that just destroy you or try to. (For me it was 2008 and 2015.) I am also sorry & disppointed that various people you have trusted ended up stabbing you in the back. I personally know how that is damaging.
I am glad that despite all of this tragedy that you’ve found yourself and your strength. That you know who you are and that your strength and who you are has made you strong enough to share your experience and to call out the problem that has developed with your experience within the community. It not only shows the strength you have or How indepth you know yourself, but also How connected you are with members in this community (It makes me feel honored to be a member of this community). I am glad that your experience has not shut you off to people in general especially once you get to know them and make a connection. I am sorry that you’ve been mistreated by some that you’ve trusted.
(For similar reasons it is hard for me to trust anybody.)