I don’t enjoy anything. I don’t really enjoy my work, the better I get at the job the more customers get ticked off because they can tell I’m confident in and know what I’m talking about. While I can serve some better it’s made calls more troublesome - I either have someone happy and fixed up quickly or I have someone absolutely raging on me because their internet sucks and I can explain to them exactly what’s going on and what needs to be improved. I really enjoy anime and I’ve seen a large majority of the classic “action/adventure” anime pre-2013 and can say that pretty much all anime in the past 6 years have been lacking content story-wise or are lazily animated which is a huge turnoff and makes one of my favorite hobbies lackluster. I loved Twitch, now when I watch it I see how much people make yet act like they are poor or struggling until you learn they actually are set from sponsors, connections in the industry, they actually have an engineering degree if this falls thru, etc. I can’t get myself to work on myself. I literally don’t want to do anything, I have no desires other than quick fixes of dopamine from consuming content and helping animals. I’m considering just using the ~10 grand I have saved up to move to a foreign land to get a different life experience and struggle until I’m broke. I’m a virgin and I don’t have any friends, and bad social anxiety for 10 years now. I can’t convince myself to work on myself, I need to get more certifications in my field so badly and am utterly failing at doing so.
Phew, dude, a lot. Glad you decided to write it out. It can be so brutal fighting an invisible enemy – it is always darker, harder to fight, stronger in the shadows.
- you want to have hobbies you enjoy
- you want to feel confident and happy at work
- you want to feel purpose in your life
- you want a relationship
- you want adventure
- you want to improve yourself
- you want to have the motivation to improve yourself
When you write it out; it’s a bit more manageable, it feels less scary. Oh, yeah, that’s a good list, and it becomes tangible – there are specific things you can do about each of these.
Exploring hobbies can become something /fun/. You can choose to chase joy.
You have money to adventure.
You have at least a desire to improve yourself; perhaps it’s just about making it less nebulous than “improve myself” – perhaps it’s starting with finding purpose. You clearly have a passion for animals! I’d love to connect you to @echoewings because she has a huge passion for that as well and chose to dedicate a season of her life cultivating her purpose in that arena; if that were something you wanted to pursue, she is a great resource!
The point in this post is not actually to give you advice on how to solve your problems, but to celebrate with you the value of what you just did by writing this out. All of a sudden, your life /can/ improve. You not only admitted there’s a problem, but you gave each problem a name. And when they’re visible, named, and in the light, YOU can do this! You are capable, resourceful, creative. You can make progress here.
One of the things I might recommend is to visit twitch.tv/caseyscreamsback as his channel / community is all about making progress towards goals that improve your wellbeing. His community has a ton of energy and joy in it, and it might be a good context to try some of these things out.
Anyways, man, feeling hopeful for you. Thank you for sharing. Good work!
Life without purpose or direction can feel like a crushing weight, I am sorry you are going through this @Disblob - I know I have struggled myself with finding a “True North”, a passion, or reason to keep going and I have spent a lot of time changing direction trying to find what felt right.
I fought so hard to find my purpose, that I gave it fully into something I was truly passionate about; I streamed and my community saved over 60 animals. I had to give everything I loved up to return to work to provide for my family, and it really felt like I would never find something to really care about again.
It is okay to get that good feeling from those things, but I hope that translates into something good long term for you. If you ever want to chat, share animal pictures, or lament about how fosters don’t get paid… I would be happy to listen. Hold fast <3