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Belongs to: Therapist gets Sober by Tool
25 years sober i still struggle with urges…its hard man so very hard. I do feel like a worthless shell of a person most days.
Hello! Thank you for sharing the struggles you are going through with us. Addiction is a very tough thing to recover from. 25 years is huge! You should be proud of being able to be successful in this endeavor, for this long a period of time. I think, like other mental health issues, it is something that can stick with us for a lot of our lives. I’m sorry that you feel like a worthless shell of a person on most days, but I do not fault you for it. Or think you should feel guilty for having the feelings you are having. I believe you are much more then a worthless shell, and would encourage you to feel free to share more if you want/need. I find that sharing my experiences with peers in a safe environment can help me a lot to deal with the things I am going through. So if you ever feel up to it and want/need to share more. Please feel free to do so. We are here, and care. You are worth it, and I hope that you can find some relief to what you are going through in time. Hope if you read this that you are having an alright day. <3
Oh friend, 25 years of sobriety is such a massive accomplishment. There must have been so many days when recovery has felt more challenging than ever, and yet despite the adversity you have been pushing through and proving to yourself of how capable and resilient you are. Each time you have chosen to not give in to your addiction, you have been taking steps on a healing path. That is something to celebrate at every occasion possible, something to be proud of for the incredible change it has created in your life.
On the other side, it is absolutely understandable to feel like this continuous path where you have to keep your head up is also absolutely exhausting to walk on. It takes so much of your energy every day to keep on choosing it when you are met with many crossroads and repeated opportunities to decide to do differently one day. Life keeps on unfolding and you can’t predict what’s going to get in the way and challenge your very first decision of being sober. It’s hard when it feels like there is this contant force within that keeps on calling you to places you don’t want to go to, but that you know would provide the illusion of offering more relief, even for just a moment. Especially when this voice hits when you feel particularly vulnerable.
If anything, you are not a worthless shell of a human, even if it feels like this some days. Healing is this massive bulldozer that often forces us to reconnect with pieces of ourselves that we lost sight of, and it can take a significant amount of time before feeling whole again. What you are doing my friend, is the right choice, for you deserve to live a life that isn’t controlled by addictions, and to feel whole again. One day at a time, always, and hopefully with the support of safe family and friends too. If anything, we are in this with you. 