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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Dig by Mudvayne
3:49 Actually that’s how I feel about Society, “they” want me to be someone I’m not, and I definitely feel I would lose part of myself becoming what Society says I should be.
I’m a 58 year old US Army Cold War era Veteran, I have Zero tolerance for Bullshit, Zero tolerance for “stupid”, and Zero tolerance for anyone messing with me. I’m politically incorrect, get anxious & quickly irritated around people in General (except other Veterans), and I guess it’s made me an introvert.
I go from calm to rage in about 3.2 seconds, and then all I want to do is utterly destroy whatever/whoever angered me, and takes every bit of willpower I have to not do so.
Tried to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist at the VA, but instead they just schedule me with a phone appointment with a Social Worker……and he is at a loss for words in dealing with my Mental Health.
You said to comment and I did.
Thank you for sharing! Do you feel like things have to be a certain way and otherwise, you get easily angered? Take this with a grain of salt, but I wonder if a reliance on things having to be or look a certain way could create a short fuse. When I am trying to control, I want people to take and accept my way without question. I can easily fall into that side of things when I am feeling insecure or unsteady.
What part of yourself do you feel like you would be losing if you cave in to society?
A perspective you hold dearly, a way of communicating?
It would make sense that you wouldn’t want to lost that part of yourself. I wonder if there is another way you could express that part in a way that society can hear? if it is a political perspective, could you word it in a way that may not be as “politically incorrect” as you put it, or if it is a way of speaking, could a gentler tone help? I wonder if you don’t have to lose the parts of you that make you you in order to also get along well with others and not be so easily triggered.
The Army taught you to be tough and no Bullshit, but then coming into american culture that attitude isn’t really the norm anymore. It sounds like you’re going through the culture shock of being socialized in one setting and now being dropped in an entirely different culture. Civilian life is so different.
Do you feel like you can find ways to express that no bullshit attitude in a way that can respect those around you and not lead to conflicts? Please give yourself grace in this transition- it can’t be easy to learn how to be yourself in new environments. We’re here for you in this process!
I hear you. Thank you so much for sharing about all of this here, friend. About your personal experiences and things that most people who see it unless we shed light on it.
It’s hard to feel caught in a constant struggle between who you are and who society expects you to be. That feeling of losing a part of yourself to fit into a mold that doesn’t feel right is, indeed, incredibly frustrating and isolating. As a veteran, you’ve seen and experienced things that most people like me can’t even begin to imagine. Your zero tolerance for bullshit and stupidity is a shield you’ve had to build to protect yourself in the midst of a society that doesn’t necessarily makes sense. You’ve seen and experienced what is essential in life, so having to take detours just feels like a waste of time. It’s like having a finely tuned alarm system that goes off at the slightest hint of nonsense or disrespect. Living with a constant buzzing in your head, making it hard to find peace as you are ready for the next threat to come up. It makes sense to feel that way, friend, especially in light of your own story. The desire to destroy whatever or whoever angered you is a powerful force, and it must take every ounce of willpower to hold back that storm. It’s freaking exhausting to be in this position. And then there’s the frustration with seeking help. Trying to see a psychiatrist or psychologist at the VA, only to be scheduled with a phone appointment with a social worker who doesn’t know how to help… it’s like hitting a wall over and over again. You’ve been reaching for a lifeline and was only met with empty air.
Overall, it sounds like you’re carrying a heavy load, and I can only imagine how exhausting it must be to keep it all in check. You’re not wrong for feeling the way you do, although there is also strength in recognizing patterns that may not serve you anymore. Somehow, when we feel an intense need to survive, we cope as we can. It’s only later on that we start realizing when the coping mechanisms might not be suited for our present life, or at least that it’s not serving us as it used to. It’s okay to outgrow them, to refocus on you, to walk on a path that would allow you to heal from wounds that might have not had any space yet. If anything, I believe in you and in your ability to get there, to find peace again, at your own pace.
