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4 years of feeling like this


#1

ive been struggling with mental health for the last 4(?) years roughly, and whej i was younger i went straight to bad habits.

those habits still stay with me and i still struggle with them, and recently ive gotten myself mainly out of a friend group where they acted like those habits were ok.

ive always been told like ‘its gonna get better’ and such but i just feel like im so deep in that i just cant get out

ive also got worsened anxiety (school) and everything feels 10 times worse (having nicotine in my system at some point recently)

ive lost all genuine motivation in things and its even hard to do simple thijgs like go out because i feel like my friends will notice n i have a massive thing about “what if i worry this person” and shit

some of my frienfs tell me not to do certain shit because it’ll make it worse (like smoke) and it feels so hard not to because it just makes me feel better? i guess?

ive done everything i can do to try get help and i have awfuk trust issues with counselors and such

my interests are at a complete low and its genuinelynexhausting to do the simplest things, it took me months to even shower n that wasnt even properly

i just dont know what to do, i dojt feel proper happiness any more, ita more like distracting from sadness kind of stuff, so it just piles on and absolutely kills my mental health because nothing i do really makes me happy

ive had so many suicidal thoughts as well recently so it just makes it harder to enjoy anything, and genuinely temps me to do something.

i dont know how to stop this, it feels like its just killing me till im actually dead at times


#2

Hi friend. Thanks for sharing this with us.

Saying that these habits will stay with you isn’t true. I believe that if you truly want to heal and want to be free of this, it won’t last. Even though you don’t feel motivation right now, hopefully this community encourages you enough to move forward in healing and help you see that this isn’t your whole life. You’re more than your habits. Maybe you can create goals or something to work towards changing these bad habits into good habits? idk just something to think about.
Just know we’re here for you no matter what, friend. We care so deeply about you. I know you can do it. You are more than capable of healing, but telling yourself that you’re always going to struggle with this and these habits are going to stay with you is 1.) not true 2.)not going to help you in any way. You need to believe in yourself, and if you don’t have the motivation or inspiration to believe in yourself, I’ll be here to motivate you and give you all the love and encouragement you need, because thats what you deserve!!
You are a blessing, my friend. I promise you. I full heartedly believe that you are not your past. You are not your mistakes. You are more than that. You are a human being who is capable of beautiful, wonderful things.
If you don’t have any motivation right now, that’s okay. It’s normal not to have motivation all the time. I want to encourage you to just take things easy. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Also, maybe trying to surround yourself with better people would help! I know it’s hard to get out of a friend group that had an influence on you, but it’s worth it!!! I’m proud of you for getting out of that friend group that told you those habits were okay. I wanna encourage you to move forward and continue to find people who will be a positive influence on you.
Have you joined the HeartSupport discord? that’s a great way to meet people in our community and have a very genuine, nice, and helpful friend group who’s there for you whenever you need someone: )

I want to encourage you to find a different outlet. A more creative and constructive outlet. One that might help you stop this habit. Do something that will help you quit. Maybe a positive reward for yourself for not doing those negative things?

If you don’t have good luck with counselors, I would recommend just coming back to the support wall and talking about what’s going on. We’re not professionals, but we will be here for you and help in any way we can. Also, I would recommend checking out Better Help. Heartsupport has a partnership with them and your first 7 days are free: ) maybe an online counselor would be worth trying?
Love you friend. Stay strong


#3

@oneforyouoneforme – it may feel dark, deep, and desperate right now. But it is never too late.

If you are experiencing anxiety, exasperated by nicotine, are you trying to stop? Are you wanting to stop? You don’t have to answer to me, but to yourself. If you know it makes you worse, is that something you would like to change? There are a lot of resources that are free or affordable to help you quit, and I hope you decide to do so if you answered yes to those questions.

Motivation comes and goes for us all, friend. Don’t be so hard on yourself when you really don’t feel like doing anything, that’s okay. Discipline is what you should seek. This is the ability to do things, even if the whole rest of you really doesn’t want to. Its not easy, but its more manageable. You can’t grow and culture motivation, it doesn’t do well in your brain “lab” – however, discipline only requires you to be breathing and willing, and if you focus and just move along and doing things you have to do even if you don’t want to, you will be surprised how little time it takes to build habits that makes things easier to do.

Don’t fret about worrying people, and not everyone’s advice will be in your best interest. You must want to quit or change for it to make a difference. If smoking is something you are not willing to give up, focus on improving areas that will help you quit, instead on quitting itself. Be kind and gentle with yourself, everything in time, and you are always moving forward.

Counseling is not a one size fits all service. You say you lack interests, don’t feel happy, and seem to not find joy in things. It is important you discuss this with a professional. I am not one, but it sounds to me like a counselor or doctor may give you advice (or chemical intervention) on how to cope and manage your symptoms. You don’t have to do this alone, we will walk with you, but only a trained professional can help you manage feelings that seem so out of your control. I sincerely urge you to seek this type of assistance.

For now, start by grounding yourself. Do things that help you feel alive, and like you are accomplishing something. Even if that’s just, brushing your hair and teeth every morning for a few days. Showering every night. Sending a text message to a friend. I know that you are having trouble with self-care, so start small. Posting on the Heartsupport forums. Suicide is not the answer, we want you to stay, and you are strong enough to do it. You have endured thus far, we believe in you.

I know this all feels so overwhelming, but depression and anxiety are chemical imbalances of your body and should be treated as such. You deserve the attention of a professional who can help you decide how to manage how you are feeling, but until then… you are NOT alone. You are valued, you are worthy, and you are loved.
We see you and we want you to STAY.

Hold fast, friend.


#4

sometimes when you know its exhausting that feeling will pass , things will get better . Sometimes when a person worries they care about you, communication is the key to letting those know how you feel so they can help. you are human , you are alive. hold fast you’re not alone. i also deal with anxiety theres days where im stressed and have an attack but the attack will stop and will pass. one of my habbits/struggles was self harm when ever i felt triggered it was an unhealthy habbit for me but i stopped. another habbit of mine was i would a barely eat when i wasnt okay because i always thought whats the point . now i realize i need to eat because not eating isnt healthy.


#5

@oneforyouoneforme - Try not to think too far into the future. Your feelings are very typical for someone with serious depression. This does not mean that it’s not a big deal, it is! But what I want to convey to you is that you have something you are fighting that makes you feel overwhelmed and unable to see the way out … As is the case with most every other person who had found this problem. It doesn’t mean they YOU are weak, it means you likely have a chemical imbalance in your brain and that is making it hard for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

For me I had to focus on the present, sometimes the “day” was too much, so if focus on making it through the next hour… Or 5 mins… And then the next 5… And so on. Then one day, you’ll be farther down the road than you imagined!

First I’m a fan of natural vitamins, supplements, foods, and sunshine to help along with being sure you have at least 1 person to talk to openly… But! Some people have hereditary or injury related brain chemicals deficiencies that require prescription medicine. But as your body chemicals start to even out, you may FINALLY begin to FEEL differently! Until then, you are going to have to DO right things BEFORE you feel like doing them… Keeping in mind that if you stick with it, things should get better. But you have a plan in place and you are doing your best.

Kudos to you for reaching out!
:yellow_heart:


#6

@oneforyouoneforme
Hold Fast


#7

watching this did help me see quite a bit about how i should get the help i need and be honest, also seeing some ways to that people dealt with the trust of people thing i’m probably going to try. thank you !