My last relapse was January 3rd 2022, so it been six months being self harm clean. Time I when I get overwhelmed, anger, guilt or Shame I would punch my skull so I take my anger out on myself. Still an impulse to do it, but I been doing alot DBT skills to stop it. It still stress out, their day that I still feel like shit and I just feel I’m not doing my best. I feel I don’t do enough art, enough exercise, enough education, or enough of everything. I hear my old friends saying I don’t do enough, that put enough effort into it.
I had panic at the skate park and I was kinda throwing my board around, I was scare doing a simple trick, that done a thousand time. Cause I’m afraid of bashing my head or break my ankle. My back ankle have been bothering me lately and feel it in little pain just fuck my paranoid and I’m baby,
Doing your best doesn’t mean always doing everything right. It doesn’t mean always being at peak performance. It doesn’t mean never falling short of your own expectations. It doesn’t mean doing all the things you think you “should” do.
What your old friends tell you about doing enough is irrelevant. They don’t live within your skin.
Doing your best means caring enough to do what you realistically can, while accepting your limitations. It involves self-directed understanding and compassion.
Stop telling yourself you don’t do enough. You are brainwashing your subconscious into preventing you from ever feeling as though you’ve done enough. Such feelings are debilitating, and interfere with all of your efforts.
The truth is, you’ve always done enough. You’ve always done what you could do while dealing with troubling emotions, and overwhelming self-expectations.
If you had an instinctive aversion to performing a skateboard trick, it could be that your body was feeling “off peak,” and by not doing the trick, you avoided injuring yourself.
You’ve always done enough. You’ve always been enough.
Yeah, you have issues you struggle with. That makes you all the more heroic.
Six months self-harm free! Congratulations! It’s more evidence that you’re evolving as a person. I’m glad to know you, Wings
Huge, huge milestone that you’ve reached there. Well done, @Metalskater1990. This is so good. There is so much strength in your words, resilience and determination to not let these thoughts and urges take the best of you. I am personally inspired by your seemingly endless willingness to keep battling your own demons, to accept to be vulnerable when you need it, to ask for help and thrive through it all.
Thank you for sharing this important part of your life with this community. We celebrate this meaningful progress with you.