7 hours clean Broke again

I am on meds and I started new ones recently but this whole up down for no reason started before I started the new ones.

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Also I’m 11 days clean. Just wish that meant something.

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That is great. You are doing really good. You have a strong will Paladin.

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It means A LOT! 11 days is amazing buddy! And it will take a while for everything to stabilize more. The ups and downs are frustrating, but they’re also a great sign that things are changing in your brain. It’s not all down, you know what I mean? Hopefully you’re still taking care of yourself, and glad you’re here
confetti

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Hey @Paladine, it means something. It means you are strong and constantly progressing, which is admirable. I bet there was a time in your life when 11 days would have been something really hard to envision.

It’s okay if you feel numb or empty right now. Achievements and joy are difficult to feel and embrace when we are stressed or depressed. Same if you struggle with seeing your self-worth: it makes accomplishments something to just do, and not something to congratulate yourself for. It’s a matter of re-learning progressively. If not now, that’s okay too. Know that what you are doing is awesome and really brave. We see that here. We see the efforts.

I hope you don’t blame yourself for not feeling much. I know it’s super frustrating… as it kind of makes us feel broken and awkward whenever it happens. But there is nothing wrong with you. Healing takes time. Embracing the milestones and finding joy again is another aspect of it. Though for that too, you will get there little by little. :hrtlegolove:

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@Micro I know I shouldn’t blame myself but I can’t help but blame myself when I feel numb or sad when I should be happy. I just view that I should be better

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Well, I understand. But you can see it that way: ask yourself if it’s something you’ve chosen. If not, then it’s something out of your control, and it’s unfair to blame yourself for something you didn’t create. It’s frustrating though. I get it. But this frustration/disappointment is not something to turn against yourself. The issue is the depressed feelings, not you. :hrtlegolove:

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You’re right but I don’t know why but I blame myself for things out of my control constantly.

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Well if it can reassure you a bit, it’s something that most people do. And generally, it’s because it’s a way to feel in control. If the cause of our struggles is identified, then we can make sense of how we feel, right? And if we blame ourselves, then we can justify all the bad thoughts we have about ourselves, we can punish ourselves etc.

Basically, feeling like we don’t control something brings a lot of unpleasant feelings, and a lot of discomfort. We need meaning, and to feel like we have a grip over something or a situation. The problem is that when we are in pain, we lose sight of the fac that we do have control though! Just not on the entire situation,or not necessarily the way we’d like to. But at least on ways to make a difference and to make it better, progressively.

When you feel like you are to blame for something that is not your fault, you can try to ask yourself what is actually in your control, and to try to focus on that instead. Sometimes it’s about big steps, but most of the time it’s about very little steps. Basically: I may not be able to run a marathon tomorrow and be healthy suddenly, but I can run for 5 minutes tomorrow morning as a start.

You may not be able to feel suddenly happy and constantly. But you can make sure to do something that bring you some comfort tomorrow, and to just remain curious regarding how it makes you feel. :hrtlegolove:

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I hate myself. Just fucking damn it. I fucking hate myself. I’m the worst. I should have been better. I should be better than what I am. I’m a fucking piece of shit.

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what’s happening friend? Talk to us

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I’m okay now. I had a real bad time with my dad but I’m talking with lizzy so don’t worry.

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okay, good that you have Lizzy to chat with :slight_smile: I’ll head off to bed then!

Glad to know you’re feeling better now!

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12 days. My depression was so bad and is still so bad that I just got out of bed.

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You stayed up past your bedtime last night :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

I’m actually glad you stayed in bed, it’s important to rest.

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Yeah but I needed to go to school and I didn’t. Normally I can get out of bed even if I didn’t have any sleep.

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It’s hard to get out of bed when you have depression. Remember to not blame yourself for your symptoms. Pay attention to your body and it’s needs too. Your health is important and sleep and nutrition is very important if you want your mental health to be positive. Getting too tired and stressed just intensifies stuff.

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If you’d broken your leg you’d have to rest, taking time out for your mental health is just as important as your physical health. It’s okay to take a day to rest and recoup

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I’m really not doing good. My depression is so bad at the moment. I want to help people and I tried to help my friend but I got so triggered they had to help me. I feel so useless and broken. I don’t know what to do. I know I need to go out and eat but I don’t even see a point getting out of bed again. I could just sleep here forever

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I’m so tried. I just want to sleep. I just want to be asleep. Fuck. I think this might be the worst my depression has ever been. I know I need to get up. I know I need to but…. I don’t even have the energy to sit up. I could just sleep and never get up

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