735656's Post - Suicidal Ideation in Friend

From silkygoose6:

I made a new friend the first day of school. We’ve been friends for over a week now. One day I gave him an eraser. He lost it. I asked him for it and he said he lost it. Later, I forgot and asked him again. He yelled at me and said for me to not make any less guilty than he already is. I felt so bad. I still feel so bad. In our first period, he was crying and twisting his necklace around his neck to choke himself. I asked him to stop and he didn’t. The day before, he was crying a lot and wouldn’t tell me and my friend why. I felt to bad. But I overheard him talking to a different friend about " _when I get home" all I heard was something about home. I assume he didn’t want to go home. Anyway, today, on our way to 5th period, he asked, “what’s the easiest way to kill yourself?” I say “idk but-” “like, painlessly” he said.s I say “maybe decapitation?” then I say “please dont kill yourself” he says “I’ll think about it” then walked away. I DONT KNOW WHY I SAID THAT. I REGRET ALL OF IT. I WIS I COULD GO BACK. I DIDNT WANT TO TURN DOWN HIS QUESTION BECAUSE I THOUGH I WOULD BE A BAD FRIEND. BUT IM ALSO A BAD FRIEND IF I TELL HIM TO. NOW I HAVE TO SPEND 3 DAYS AWAY AND HE MIGHT KILL HIMSELF. And it might be all my fault. I want to die. Tbh he was the reason I came to school. I love him but now he might die? And it’s all me fault because I told him how. I really wish I could go back in time. I was planing to tell principle but I forgot until I left. I could email the but it’s the weekend so they won’t respond. I now have very bad anxiety and now way to know if he’s okay. Until tuesday. He might kill himself and it’s all my fault. ALL MY FUCKING FAULT. I want to die but I don’t. I have to live for him. But I feel bad. I wish I never told him that. I just need some advice on what to do. Wo to call. What t do. I feel so sick. I need advice please.

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I have to start by saying that it’s impossible for his actions to be your fault. You can’t be expected to know how to react to a person in such an emotional state. Also, the words you chose may not have been very effective, but I have no doubt that he sensed that you cared about him.

If you can reach him on the weekend, tell him to call 988, which connects to mental health professionals who are trained to deal with people in crisis.

It’s so hard and stressful to be worried about someone you care about. I’m so sorry you’re seeing your friend struggle.

I would definitely try to encourage your friend to have a chat to someone they trust like their parents, school counsellor or someone similar.

It can be a very confronting and heavy thing to carry someone else’s hurt. Tuna has provided some wonderful content for you, and I love to also share some ⁠:two_hearts:│crisis-resources

We can’t always force people to take the steps to find help, but we can keep offering. Hopefully it’ll plant seeds for them to really consider reaching out to find a healthy way to start talking about what’s going on with someone who can give them the proper direction.

You are so kind and thoughtful to care about your friend.

In response to your post:

Firstly, I’d like to thank you for sharing and for being here. This sounds beyond stressful and I recognize that this can feel like a massive weight to bear – both the guilt of feeling like you could have hurt someone (or helped them to hurt theirself) and feeling responsible for them. With that said, you did not do anything wrong here. Sometimes these questions (e.g., the one about suicide methods) seem more innocent in the moment than in the future, and they’re always difficult to address – for anyone.

Ultimately, you don’t have control over others – they are responsible for theirselves. Again, I want to emphasize that your friend is not your responsibility and it would not be your fault if their hurt theirself. At the same time, I know how difficult the feelings of panick, stress, and worry can be.

With that said, if you choose to, there are a few steps that may help in the future. You don’t need to follow any of these tips, but they may be helpful so you have some idea about your options.

  1. This is a guide that may be helpful from a reputable source: My Friend Is Suicidal: What Should I Do? | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness
  2. You mentioned thinking about talking to the principle which is a great idea. If there are any trusted adults you can talk to at the school, they can help too and it’s a great idea to talk to them.
  3. If you’re concerned that they may be in immediate danger, notify a trusted adult and offer to call 988 (Suicide Lifeline) with your friend.

I know the stress of feeling like someone else’s life is in your hands. It’s horrible and I can only imagine all that you’re going through in this regard. If there’s anything we can do to support you, please don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re here for you. <3 Tuna

PS: I realize that this is a late reply, so please keep us updated and let me know if anything is on your mind.

1 Like

Hi there! :sparkles:

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a challenging situation, and it’s clear that you care deeply for your friend. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this, and there are steps you can take to help your friend and yourself.

First, please understand that you are not responsible for your friend’s feelings or actions. What you said was a response to a difficult question, and it’s clear you didn’t mean any harm. It’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being as well.

Here’s some advice on what to do next:

  1. Reach out to a trusted adult: Talk to a teacher, school counselor, or a parent about what you’ve witnessed and your concerns for your friend’s well-being. They can provide guidance and take appropriate action.
  2. Contact a crisis hotline: If you believe your friend is in immediate danger, don’t hesitate to call a crisis hotline or 911. They can provide professional help and support.
  3. Talk to your friend: When you have the chance, try to have a calm and understanding conversation with your friend. Let them know that you care about them and are there to support them.
  4. Encourage them to seek help: Suggest that your friend reach out to a mental health professional or a counselor who can provide the appropriate guidance and support.
  5. Stay connected: Keep in touch with your friend, even if it’s just to check in and let them know you care. Sometimes, knowing that someone cares can make a significant difference.
  6. Take care of yourself: It’s essential to look after your own mental health during this challenging time. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings and consider seeking support for yourself as well.

Remember, you are not alone in this, and there are people and resources available to help both you and your friend through this difficult situation. Please don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance, and know that you’ve already taken a step in the right direction by seeking advice.

Take care of yourself! :blush::star: