Tonight I prayed a different type a prayer. A prayer for God to take me home. A prayer to never feel pain again. To never feel heartbreak again. To never be let down. To never be not good enough. To never feel broken or worthless again.
But the reality is that prayer is selfish. And I know that. But I’ll be honest I’m okay with that.
I have given prayers like this many times. I have been taught that it is better to kneel and offer a prayer of gratitude for what you have and are, itemized and separate. Even the fleas. This makes you focus on the positive and cherish the things that you have. Sincerely thanking God for the fleas that infest where you live, your clothes, and who you are is very very difficult. It takes a special kind of person to thank God for troubles, afflictions, enemies, the ability to fail, agency when we have misused it, etc. that type of person is humble, so you have to be humble to to it. It’s like banging your head against a wall over and over, tbh, but humility is a good place to be.
May the Lord bless you, and keep you. May the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.
I had those thoughts in the past because of the pain I was going through with my parents, my family, my ex fiancee leaving me and a crazy stalker woman that terrorized me for years. Please don’t give up hope. God loves and cares for you. He will never abandon you nor forsake you. If you need to talk message me