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A firanda who stuggle with his mental health

I have a firanda who is stuggle with his mental health, and I don’t know how to help him. I met him when I was still in hight school and he is a EBD specal Ed student who straggle with fighting,missing school,drugs,self harm, attitude,self confidence,get in trouble all the time, I trid my best to hang out with him and get him on a good path but it not helping. I worry for him as I care about him and I don’t what anything bad to happen to him. I have got texts form him that scare the crap out of me that I worry for his safety as he wouldn’t respond to me for hours. Is so hard watch someone struggle so much and you can’t do much about it, Beside relate because you stuggle with the same issues, but just have a better handle on it.

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As one who is standing by him, you’re doing so much more than you might realize. You may not be able to save him, but still, that he knows you tried will make a huge difference. In a critical moment, when a tragic decision is being considered, the fact that you cared, may be the difference between him making the wrong decision, or turning away from despair.

He’s fortunate to have you as a friend. That you struggle with the same issues, makes you an even more valuable friend, because you understand him. You may be the only light in his darkness.

An important part of being the best friend you can for him, is to look after your own emotional well being. He needs to sense in you, compassionate strength, authenticity, and a willingness to admit to your flaws and challenges. That will help him to have hope that he too can overcome/manage his struggles.

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I agree with what Wings said. You are there for him and that is doing more than you realize. It does hurt watching someone struggle like that, and I feel for your pain in this time. If you can, continue to be there for him. Send him a text every once and a while telling him you love him and you value him. It’s the little things we do that are critical. You are a great friend sticking with him.

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Sometimes the best thing you can do is to be there for them, as a friend. Sometimes it’s better to constantly check on them rather than to check on them every once in a while.

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Hey Kaitlin, I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with worrying about your friend. I’m not sure if you’re still in high school, if you are I would strongly encourage maybe reaching out to someone who is older and can ensure the safety of your friend. As much as we would love to carry the burden of of those we love, we have to make sure that the safety and well being of them AND ourselves is so integral. The more support the better in experience. Holding someone’s burdens all alone can hurt you.
If your friend is wanting to engage in hurtful behaviour, there’s a boundary you need to draw for yourself. Contact emergency services or someone who is able to care for them. Building some positive habits and some positive memories is helpful for both of you.
Let us know how YOU are coping as well.

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Hello @kaitlin

It’s really awesome that you’ve tried your best to support your friend thru his struggles. I’m sorry that you’ve had to watch him still struggle despite your efforts. Sometimes, people need more help than we can give them and professional help is needed. I hope that he is using resources to help him stay safe, if not perhaps you can suggest getting extra help. Take care of yourself!

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Hey @kaitlin
I am so sorry to hear about your friend and I am so glad that they have you by there side however there is a fine line between being a good friend and a carer for a person you are friends with.
I are a caring and loving person who wants nothing but the best for your friend and with that comes the good the bad and the ugly as always with every friendship but when there issues to that extent and you also have your own there is a always that fear of lighting the touch paper for you. You do indeed have a better hold on things but as you are trying to bring a person up they can unknowingly be bringing you down if you are not careful. I am only saying this because I would like you to be aware also about caring for yourself, its lovely to want to do so much but your health and wellbeing is just as important and in those moments when you are worrying when you get no response it is playing with your mental health and thats not fair on you even if its not being done on purpose. I think it would be a good thing to reach out to an adult in rl who can share some of this with you. Your friend sounds like a lovely person but just needs a little extra help and you need a little extra help for them too.
I wish you well friend.
Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x

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hi there @kaitlin !

You sound like such a wonderful caring friend!

I hear how it’s been a hard road for your friend, and how it worries you and stresses you that you can’t hear from him.

I’m wondering if you two can create a series of fun things to do, that don’t require an immediate reply, or timed-responses, based on what you like to do, your hobbies, interests, etc.

Like start some games online that can be shared, and you take turns playing, or physical art that you can mail to each other for the other one to add a section, or write a story, and both of you take turns writing a page of chapter. He has a lot going on, but you need to also remember that we are more than our diagnoses, or our past, and we need to create good memories and good moments when we can.

You also need to take care of your own self, because you are equally as important :slight_smile:

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Hey @kaitlin,

You really are a good friend to this person. It is obvious that you have been providing so much help and care to them. Although it is really hard to find a good balance being a friend and a therapist to someone we love. It is absolutely understandable and beautiful that you want the best for them, to share your personal experiences and insights, to be an ear to listen and a shoulder to rely on. When we help someone though, there are limits that can’t cross, as healing ultimately comes from within.

You know, it may not have the effects that you expect to see, but your presence, your love, the fact that you show up, is helping them. It is a reminder that they are not alone, that someone out there is rooting for them and they belong. That alone is absolutely precious.

As far as how to help him, there are many ways to do so. I remember after going through a very rough time, a friend invited me to play some video games with him, online. This perspective was so welcomed and needed because I needed time to hang out, breathe, have fun and not having to think about my problems anymore. Sometimes that’s the best that friends do. Being present, being there, and giving us so many reminders of what’s to enjoy about life. What could you suggest to do with them as an activity that breaks a little bit the routine and the constant need for support/giving support?

You are a good friend. That is a fact. I hope you take good care of yourself too. You are important. :hrtlegolove:

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Thanks you all for your response, your right I am not a therapist but I am good firanda who just try to make sure he ok.

Yay I am not in hight school and I have aright reached out to many adults, and they try to get him help,but he dosnt what to take it ever thought we all know it’s best for him and that sucks most.

I am vere careful and do have boundaries for myself when I’m dealing with a friend also has mental Health issues Because I know I have to be able to take care of myself first so I Can be there to support them.

I didn’t know what to do so I turn to the one place I knew would give me Advice and not be judge for what I am trying to do.

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Awh I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. I’m proud of you for having your own boundaries, that’s always important. It’s not easy seeing people we care about not helping themselves. I do hope your friend will start to come around and see that life can be so much better than what it is

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I’m so glad you’ve indeed reached out here. Please know you will always be supported through however this situation progresses in the future. You really are an amazing friend, and it is true that there is a fine balance to create between being a friend and being a supportive ally. It’s impossible to not be both when we care about someone so much.

It sounds that you have taken a lot of healthy steps to both help him and yourself in this situation. It is heartbreaking though to see someone we love not wanting to accept the help that is available for them. In situations like these, we can only try to be patient both with the person and ourselves. It’s okay to feel conflicted in such situation. I hope you keep taking care of yourself this week-end. Let us know how it goes? If that is okay for you.

You are loved. :hrtlegolove:

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