My friends just told me she had been reaped and I did my best to ask questions about that need to be ask without hurting her. I also did my best to help and listen to her but I don’t know how to help her more. Please someone tell me how to help.
It would be good if she were to report it to the police, because they would direct her to a rape crisis center. If she’s afraid to go to the police, do a keyword search for a rape crisis center in your area. She needs professional help. She probably has PTSD, and the symptoms usually get worse over time, so early intervention is important.
She has demonstrated an incredible degree of trust towards you. After a rape, women usually don’t want to be around men, at least for a while. I think she may listen to you about seeking help.
She keeps telling me she doesn’t want to get them in trouble because they have probably forgotten. She says it was a bit ago. I’ll try to convince her but I don’t know how I will
Her being vulnerable to you is a huge thing. You being gentle with her is the best thing you can do. Don’t push her but offer support, love, and kindness. I can’t imagine the pain and other emotions she’s going through but I imagine she needs you now more than ever.
If it comes up that she wants to report it, support and encourage her to do so. If not, be a listening ear and shoulder to cry on.
Sending lots of love and strength to you both.
Honestly, there isn’t much you can do, just be there to listen and gently encourage her to report it. Reporting such a traumatic event is a huge thing and really hard, maybe offer to go with her to the police if you can
You’re already helping her, by being a friend who listens and cares. The fact that she talked to you about it shows that there is a lot of trust between you two and she feels safe talking to you. That’s the best you can do: being there, listening, not judging, not forcing anything. When I talked about what happened to me to a friend in this community, the most significant words I received in return was that how they see me didn’t change because of it, that they still loved me and they respected me. I needed to hear that, because sharing felt like a risk to be seen differently and/or even rejected or not believed. Giving her this reassurance would already be a lot.
Eventually, when we don’t know how to support someone, a good question is to simply ask: “How can I support you?”. She may not know herself what are her needs and what she feels ready to do or not, which is okay. Being a reassuring and safe presence is already a lot.
As for the report to the police, it has to be her decision. You can encourage her in that way, but it’s important that she doesn’t feel pressured to do so either. If it happens that she doesn’t want to report, then it’s her decision at the moment and it has to be respected. Her power to decide and to choose was taken away from her by the ones who hurt her before, so it’s important that the decisions that would follow are not the result of anyone else’s will but hers.
You could also encourage her to reach out to an organization that supports survivors of rape and sexual assaults. RAINN for example does a lot on that matter, although it’s located in the US:
They even have a live chat, that she could eventually use (I used it while being located in Belgium), as she would have the opportunity to discuss anonymously and with people who are trained to guide survivors or refer to resources. Although this may be overwhelming for now, as she just talked to you about it and will already need to digest that. Give it time, first. Let her know that you respect her and her trust, and eventually the resources could be shared a bit later. Just one step at a time.
@TheeCrazyBethy I haven’t been pushing her and I’ve been offering support but now she say she shouldn’t have said anything. Tried to convince her that it wasn’t a bad thing but I wasn’t able to.
@Kayleigh.xo I’ve just been there to listen for her and she really shows no interest in reporting to the police because she don’t want to get the guy in trouble. I tried to convince her that she shouldn’t worry about that but sigh.
That’s what I’ve been trying to do. I’ve just been there listening and supporting her but now she things it was a bad thing to share and I can’t convince her otherwise. I have ask her how I can support her but she says that she shouldn’t have said anything now. I haven’t been pressuring her to do one way or the other just being there for her. I’ll try to recommend them but at the moment I’m scared that she’ll retreat further away from the support she has.
This topic was automatically closed after 365 days. New replies are no longer allowed.