A letter to my friend

I feel need to get off my chest in safe environment

I don’t know why thing turn out the why they did. Why do fall or befriend someone that just dosent leave me. I know could have done things different and I know I’m not a good person. But at least I am an honest man, I did pretent to be someone else.

But Why you did not appreciate the things I did for you. I would drive an hour to see you, get food with you and skateboard with you. We go to different parks and you the only female that, I thought actually wanna hang out with me. The first for long time that did not look me as a creep. But I felt that whole friendship was a lie, every nice you told me was a lie. You just pretend, just take advantage of me.

I treat you better then all your friends, I treat you better than you boyfriend, that did not want to spend time with you. I feel care more for you than your other friends. But you I guess you never care for me.

I know should not told you I had feelings for you, now you look me as clingy loser. I know you said your sorry for leading me and taken advantage of me. Part of me want really to forgive you. I still love you with all my heart, I would do anything for our friendship. But I don’t you ever cared.

Your the reason why I never get close a woman again. In someway I wish I never met you, I was doing okay at least being by myself. I will alway be the lonely outcast, I was at peace for while. Then you came into my life and fuck me all up.

She the reason. I think about suicide, i want to post my suicide on Instagram, just show the world what the fuck you did to me. Make everyone hate you, like how I hated myself. Ruining you life with make me happy. To pay back the fact you left me.

I really want to kill myself cause of this person. I want to kill myself over the false lie that she care about me. She cuase me so much pain that feel empty everyday. That I can’t make through a work shift without feeling intense emotions. I want to kill mysekf cause she made feel more alone than ever.

I can’t go to one favorite skate park because she work their. Seeing her might cause to have a violent mental breakdown. That might do something I might regret. Fuck this person, I just wanna you be my friend. Now you the reason why I might end my life someday.

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Just one question, does she deserve to have that much influence over your emotions?

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Your emotions and feelings have been very hurt and are very raw still. Sometimes it takes longer than others to heal from hurt, but the one thing we can do is to ensure that we redirect our focus.
She probably did care very much, but sometimes people have to look after their own well-being.
And it’s probably my time for you to start doing the same.
Putting so much intense emotion back onto one person and making them the reasoning behind feeling suicidal probably means that you’re getting into an unhealthy place and letting your thoughts be directed to this situation and letting it play out over and over.
Have you been talking to a professional and trying to resolve these feelings so you can start to heal?

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What are the things she could have done to show her appreciation to you?
What were your expectations from her, as your friend?

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