A letter to my person

HeartSupport Support
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Dear You,
I’ve been on the other side of the fence from you for so long. I’ve appealed so much hoping we could find common ground. Despite all the compromises I’ve made and changes I’ve worked through, I’m still the enemy. I’m not enough. You’ve made it clear that the most basic expectations of our relationship are a burden to you. 10 years of marriage and 4 kids but you despise me. All I wanted was good mornings, kisses, hugs, and a hand held. To feel you want me. The night after you made it clear you didn’t desire me you got up and said good morning to your sister with the biggest smile while you barely took notice of me. I can feel me shutting off to hope. The hurt of the reality of this is crushing. I wish I could become emotionless and void of affection because if I felt nothing I wouldn’t feel hurt either. I desire numbness but even that would make me less in your eyes. I’m lost.

Shane

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Hi @Shane2189, your words break my heart. I feel so much pain reading them, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Without knowing any other specifics, it sounds like your person is going out of their way to show their indifference to you, which honestly is worse than if it felt like they “hated” you, which would at least invoke some kind of emotion towards you. Have you tried speaking with them about these feelings, tried couple’s counseling, anything? I just think that you owe it to each other and to your children to try everything you can before you even consider walking away from each other.

I believe it can get better for you. Hold fast, friend.

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I’ve taken steps to get us into couples counseling but she’s not receptive at all. All viable solutions seem null. I hope it gets better.