I have both depression and anxiety, and have had both self-harmed and wanted to take my own life. I’ve been dealing with this since 2009 and am seeing both a therapist and a psychiatrist who’s prescribed me medication for them. I’ve had a few bad months that only seem to get worse that even my medication doesn’t seem to be able to keep up with what’s going on and today it reached its worst with me thinking of ending my life, which I hadn’t thought about for 8 years when my mom passed away. I’ve tried many things to help with my mental health and it just never seems to work. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
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Hello and welcome @Snugglebunnies
I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for so long. Thank you for trusting us and posting.
When I was first diagnosed with my disorders it took a while for me to find meds that worked and even after we did, I still need adjustments from time to time. If you have been seeing the same doctors since 2009 and you haven’t found the right meds, perhaps it’s time for a doctor change. From what you’ve said, they don’t seem to be effective in your treatment. It could be a wrong diagnosis and the meds you’re being given aren’t working.
I hope this isn’t a thought anymore, but if it is please talk to someone. These feelings are temporary as you know, so hold strong.
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Hey @snugglebunnies Welcome to Heart support, I am so glad that you have posted here my friend.
I am so sorry that you had those thoughts today and grateful that you didnt act of those. Thank you for having the courage to come here to open up and talk. Can you talk about what specifically happened recently and today that got you to this point? of course you do not have to share that, it could be that your medication is not doing its job anymore and you need to see your doctor for a change of prescription and I would encourage you do see both your doctor and or therapist anyway if your thoughts are turning this bad, please do not sit in sadness alone as that is what they are there for.
I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum 8 years ago, I doubt that gets easier, you just end up learning to live each day with the loss but it must be incredibly difficult for you.
@Snugglebunnies as I said before you have come here and that has taken great courage and I am proud of you for that but if you feel like you need more help please call a crisis line or go to your doctor or therapist as they can help you and will help you get through this difficult period and it will improve. Living with derpression is full of ups and downs and you have a support group for that reason. You are loved and valued both with them and here. Much Love Lisa. xx
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what does your support system look like? Do you have anyone you can talk with or even stay with when things get tougher than normal?
Have you been able the years to find anything like a hobby that is meaningful and fun, that you can pour your energy into? I’m glad you’ve been seeing professionals, maybe the meds need tweaking or changing.
I can tell by that amazing username that you are funny and wonderful, I’m glad you’re here with us. I’m sorry about the passing of your mom, I know the hurt that causes, and I hope time has chiseled the grief down into a more manageable level. You matter friend!
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Thank you everyone, I do agree that I may have been misdiagnosed as I remember a previous pcp doctor writing bipolar depression but then crossed it out. I really don’t want to go in to too much detail about what happened today but turns out that there was a misunderstanding between me and another person that wasn’t realized until much later after the self-harm and suicidal thoughts occurred. I’m hopeful that things will work themselves out between me and the other person involved. I do agree that I need to have a re-evaluation of my mental state and see if there’s a different medication that will work better. I love knitting and photography so I might look into making a daily goal of taking some time to do both. I don’t have anyone to stay with but I do have a lot of online friends whom I can talk to.
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sounds like some good steps. Hoping they can bring you some relief and some answers!
Keep us updated, if you’re okay with that. We’d love to see how you’re progressing and of course, we’re all here for you for anything we can help you with!
Hey @Snugglebunnies,
It sounds that you have some practical steps to look forward to. Keep us updated if you feel okay with it. The process of diagnosis - finding the right medication - finding the right coping mechanisms can really be daunting and discouraging at times. Never forget why you’re doing all of this though: for YOU, and how important it is, how important YOU are! Trying and experiencing is always going to help you take a step forward, even when it’s negative. When something doesn’t work for you personally, it is still something that you learn about yourself and your current needs.
I love knitting and photography so I might look into making a daily goal of taking some time to do both.
Make sure to keep goals realistic - if you haven’t done any of this for a while, doing it daily could be difficult. At first, it doesn’t have to be every day. Take it easy, make sure to set a solid ground for yourself that won’t be discouraging to you. There are days when even those things won’t be appealing to you - and that is okay, that won’t make you a failure or a broken person. Only a human being.
As for the photography practice, I’ve been myself trying to get back to it for a while (hard to find the consistency and motivation with a depression) and just found this little challenge some time ago. It’s a daily challenge with daily prompts to receive in your email box, but it doesn’t have to be as such. You can completely adapt it to your practice and train of life, always. Just sharing it because it’s an encouragement to seek beauty, which we need very much when we are feeling depressed too. 
Here’s the link:
Hold Fast. 
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Thanks, I do tend to set goals that are sometimes not achievable like daily ones because I want to go back to feeling better quickly and I need a reminder to slow down as I’m not Wonder Woman nor Super Woman. Every day, even every minute of my day is different when it comes to my mental health. Thanks for the link for the photography challenge, I’ll be taking my time with that one as I am out of practice but I’ve actually been knitting for several months now so that one will be a bit easier to plan out.
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Hi again, just want to quickly go back to what you said about the misunderstanding you had with that other person and say that im am pleased that it can get worked out, these things sadly do happen and with disasterous effects so i am just pleased that it didnt get any further. Its also good to hear of your hobbies but yeah setting unachievable goals is a problem, I dont do that as such but I do always put pressure on myself to want to do things perfectly so that i never let people down so I can relate to a degree, that can turn a fun project in to a stressful one before you even begin so its an idea to look into trying to prevent that from the very beginning so that relaxing into a fun activity is just that, relaxing and fun. I think you are doing ok, you seem to have a good grasp on what you are doing and the bits you need to work on, now its just the work, I found some of heart supports youtube videos helpful done by caseyscreamsback who is wonderful and very funny and stream on twich for heartsupport amoung many other things. they are simple easy to follow, informative and fun too, ill put a link to you here for you. Enjoy your hobbies xx
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