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A Little Bit of Everything

Recently things have been pretty rough at home. My father barely interacts with me unless he needs me to do/tell him something. My mother will slap me if I’m using a British accent for “too long” or am being “annoying” or a “brat” or something like that. It’s usually on the arm or leg, but occasionally on the back of my head as well. It’s not hard enough to leave a mark, but it’s enough to be sore for a bit. She always says that since she’s my mother she’s allowed to. Also while at my mother’s place I’m constantly treated like a slave and am told that I can’t do things right. I try my best to not show that it bothers me, but it’s been very difficult. I can’t even show that it bothers me while I’m with my father either because at his house raw emotions such as this are basically forbidden. I can hardly cry without being scolded or told I’m just overreacting. It’s so exhausting and it’s gotten to the point that I can’t handle it. I haven’t been reaching out to anyone because I know that a lot of people have shit going on right now. Times are hard for everyone in all regards. I get that. So I don’t want to bother or worry anyone anymore than they already are. I’m trying my best, but it feels like my best isn’t good enough. I’m really working hard to not break the clean streak I have going, but it’s been so damn hard. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense…I’m just at a loss for how to make sense of it all and how to handle everything by myself anymore.

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I’m sorry that you’re going through this. It’s pretty hurting and difficult feeling like the two persons who are supposed to support you and love you the most, act totally the opposite. Most of the time, some parents just act according to their own mental issues, and are not aware of how affects their children. I understood this, after working myself into seeing my parents as persons before being “dad” and “mom”, sometimes it’s kinda lonely, but we cannot choose our parents, surely we can learn from them the type of person who we want to or not, to be. I truly think, if someone doesn’t show you their support or love, it’s because they are lacking of love too and they are not ok in some emotional way. Maybe they grew up so private of expresing themselves too…

I can see your inner child is hurting, maybe you can try your actual self to show your inner child some love, and give you credit for the person you are and things you have achieved till today, I mean, you are here, looking for support, you’re taking charge of how you are feeling.

I send you a hug, you are capable of a lot of things, one of them is growing and learning from everything you live. I hope this helps in some way, and makes you feel less lonely.

:love_letter:

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